I’m happy, so why do I fantasise about sex abuse? | Mariella Frostrup

The Dilemma I am a woman in my early 20s, about to graduate from university and consider myself very independent with a healthy, normal, happy life. About two years ago I started watching porn. I didn’t even know what to look for, then I began to develop my own tastes and searched for specific things. What worries me is that my searches are for simulations of abuse – something that doesn’t reflect at all what I feel about the subject. I hate patriarchy and rape culture. Another issue that worries me is that now, when having sex with my boyfriend, I invent abuse stories and play them in my head in order to reach orgasm. I don’t like to role play any of those fantasies, I like to feel loved when having sex. I feel like none of this is healthy nor nurturing for my self development. Is it really that worthy of preoccupation?

Mariella replies It’s food for thought. Many women (and men) have similar fantasies and, as you have found, it doesn’t mean they want them made real. Nor does it mean there’s anything wrong with you or detract from all the other more wholesome qualities you ascribe to your life and personality. Fantasies, like dreams, are generally an outlet for emotions and psychological undercurrents we can’t or don’t want to include in our everyday experience. How lucky we are to have brains that can conjure the places we don’t want to go.

Rape is an act that asserts power in the basest, most violating way possible. It is not about an uncontrollable desire for another human being. It’s no coincidence that as a fantasy it’s more common among those in control of their day-to-day lives, rather than those who face such acts of sexual violence as an everyday danger. It’s not abnormal to be stimulated by the abstract idea of helplessness and subjugation. It certainly doesn’t mean when you walk down a street at night you are hoping a man will emerge from the undergrowth and take your right to choose what you do with your body by force.

It’s not abnormal to be stimulated by the abstract idea of being helpless and subjugated

One of the most intimate expressions of sexuality is role playing with someone we trust and desire. It’s not a game that’s open to strangers – except in our imaginations. This is tricky terrain and it’s only with those we feel closest to that we can even admit to such instincts. Whether fantasising about perpetrating sex crimes or imagining being the victim, it doesn’t mean we’re asking for it to happen.

It’s the same literal thinking that connects a promiscuous woman with an open invitation to sexual violence, a scenario we still see played out in courts when a victim (generally female) has her sexual lifestyle paraded as an example of why rape was an inevitability. Should we only be allowed to imagine what is politically correct or gender sensitive? It’s a gross hypocrisy when the loud champions of free speech come down hard on what they consider to be the unsayable.

When I published Desire, an anthology of erotica, last year, an author I greatly admire wrote a long censorious piece about the inclusion of stories that she felt were unacceptably violent or had strong misogynistic undertones. Yet it was an issue I addressed in the introduction to the book, and I clearly sectioned off these stories as Darkest Desires.

As adults we have a right to choose. There are yearnings deeper in our psyche than rational thought and it’s a restrictive view of feminism and womanhood to think we should be incapable of imaging acts and ideas that take us beyond philosophically acceptable terrain. Pretending our instincts are entirely tameable and explicable reduces the scope of human experience. Controlling the desires we can’t rationalise, or that open us or others to harm, is part of our responsibility as evolved animals. Evolution isn’t capable of wiping out the instincts we have been imbued with, but we have powerful tools to diffuse and direct them.

I’m not a fan of pornography because, in extremis, which is where the journey often winds up, it makes literal what should remain fantasy. Like all stimulants, it can create a hunger for greater highs. My feeling is that it’s your diet that needs regulating more than your imagination. Certainly your craving to be controlled and overpowered is worth exploring with an expert and might reveal aspects of your psychology that would be illuminating and perhaps helpful. It’s the domain that therapists exist to help translate and if you are troubled or feel dominated by sensory desires you aren’t comfortable with, do seek professional help.

Meanwhile, in a world where Fifty Shades of Grey sold in the millions to readers who wanted to imagine a domineering sexual dynamic they certainly weren’t campaigning for in real life, I think you can relax. We are complicated creations and exploring our fantasies is as vital as fuelling our bodies – as long as we aren’t causing harm to ourselves or others.

If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.frostrup@observer.co.uk. Follow her on Twitter @mariellaf1

I’m happy, so why do I fantasise about sex abuse? | Mariella Frostrup

Are you happy being frustrated?

When we look at the root of the drug and alcohol problems in the affluent Western nations, frustration and misery always rise to the surface. Yet, most people in the world find that hard to believe.

After all, the people in the Western countries are so much wealthier and have such full facility to enjoy themselves that it seems implausible that they would be entrenched in an even bigger drug problem than the poor countries.

The problem is that most people are in the illusion that material wealth alone is sufficient to make a person happy. They are equating happiness and/or satisfaction with material sense enjoyment and that if the person is “enjoying” the bodily senses they will be satisfied.

The lesson to be learned is that if a person could be happy simply by enjoying the senses, there would never be problems associated with frustration and unhappiness.

People in the Western world are very affluent, have full facility for sense enjoyment, have money, have time, have, or could have, good health, and yet are not happy.

Seeing this reality, an intelligent person would ask, WHY?

The answer is simple: sense enjoyment is not enough to satisfy the person.

Yet, according to modern chemicalist philosophy, a person is nothing more than a combination of material chemicals. As such, if one makes the body’s senses happy that should eliminate frustration.

In real life, we see that people have full facility for bodily sense enjoyment but they are still not happy.

So, to understand the problem of alcoholism and drugs one has to go deeper into the subject of frustration and dissatisfaction.

Going deeper shows that despite experiencing sense gratification to the fullest there is still something still not addressed – spiritual starvation.

Alcoholism and the drug problem are merely symptoms of the disease. A disease that many people are reluctant to face.

While unknowingly suffering from this disease, there are people in various stages or degrees of this spiritual starvation.

There are so many that are so unhappy with their lives yet they still carry on with their duties and normal activities but turn to drugs and alcohol to help them forget their purposelessness. And by some weird quirk of fate this drug problem somehow becomes a drug solution.

Let’s say that, for example, a middle-aged man has spent most of his life working to be able to get all the facilities for their sense enjoyment as well as their family’s and has succeeded in doing so.

Then one day he sees that his kids are not satisfied despite all they have been provided with and he realizes that he will have to die one day and leave everything ha has accumulated.

What happens is that the feeling of having wasted many years of his life manifests? He worked his whole life to provide those things he thought would make his family happy and it did not. Now what?

Now the kids see that their parents are unhappy despite having wealth and they experience similar frustrations even though they never had to work for anything.

The vast majority of young people in America have facility for unlimited sense enjoyment that most people in other parts of the world can only dream about.

Being born into affluence means that you can get everything money can buy. Despite this, the kid is still unsatisfied.

Some time ago I wrote about the hippies in the late sixties and early seventies, when millions of young Americans, Europeans, Australians, etc., left their affluent homes and all its comforts, the vast majority of which took just the clothes on their backs and wandered around, living in cramped quarters with other young people, trying to find a deeper meaning of existence.

Unfortunately, most of them did not find a deeper meaning of existence and instead, succumbed to drugs. Why? Because they were trying to forget the meaninglessness of their existence.

Yes, the hippie movement is over, but the massive use of drugs for the purpose of forgetting the meaninglessness of our existence is one of the main effects that the hippie movement had on the greater American and western society as a whole.

To put is another way: a life which has as its central purpose nothing more than material sense enjoyment leads to annihilationism.

The idea that I am merely the material body, that I am matter, just chemicals, leads to hedonism or a life centered around the sole purpose of sense gratification. This leads to frustration, which ultimately leads to thoughts of the desire to cease existing.

There are two ways to try to get rid of pain. One is to try to get rid of the pain; the other is to try to get rid of the experiencer of the pain.

So whether they are pushing drugs, alcohol, annihilationism, or voidism, they are no different than the doctor who “cures” his patients by killing them.

So all these methods are attempts to decrease one’s awareness of his own existence. And since awareness or consciousness is the characteristic of life itself, the attempt to decrease such awareness is the symptom of the desire to die. This desire to become free from suffering by ending one’s existence is called mukti, or the liberation from suffering.

So, ultimately, the life of endless sense gratification, called bhukti, leads to frustration and misery, which leads to drugs or alcohol in the hopes of achieving mukti or liberation.

This is called the bhukti-mukti syndrome. First, the desire for sense gratification –bhukti –and then the desire for liberation from the purposeless and misery – mukti.

The solution to the bhukti-mukti syndrome is coming to the realization of your actual identity. The realization that we are not the material body but rather the life force within the material body. The body is material matter and temporary and the life force is spiritual and eternal.

We also must learn that we are not God but dominated parts and parcels of God. The realization of these two things will enable one to understand that the purpose of life is not to serve the senses but to somehow be engaged in loving service to God.

You see, we try to find happiness by playing God. In doing so we ultimately become frustrated and spiritually starved.

This can be compared to a finger on the body that is trying to enjoy independently. Imagine your finger sitting in a bowl of food, it’s right in the middle of the food but it can’t quite take the food in.

Seeing this I might tell my finger that to get energy from that food I need to get it to the mouth. From there it goes to the stomach and from the stomach the food is digested and ultimately delivered to me. But, the finger protests and wonders why it has to give it to someone else (the mouth) when all it wants to do is enjoy it directly.

The answer is that it is just not the natural position and function of the finger. That’s the arrangement and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

The only way the finger can get energy is for it to work in coordination with the entire body and help get the food to the stomach.

The same thing applies to the living entity. The living entity is part and parcel of God. We are all parts of Him. If we try to enjoy independently or separately from His concern, then we will not actually experience true satisfaction of joy.

People in the Western world do not understand this. We are sitting in the midst of incredible wealth, just like the finger sitting in the middle of the food.

But so many people are spiritually starving to death because they do not know their actual identity or their relation to God or the purpose of the human form of life.

We wrongly identify ourselves as our bodies. We see ourselves as being the dominator and consider that our natural position is to be master or enjoyer. So we set out on a path of exploitation in life, believing that we can have happiness independently from God.

People need to be spiritually educated as to who and what they are and what their relationship with God is. Until that happens, we will continue to be bound by selfish interests and endure the bhukti-mukti syndrome endlessly.

The economic development of the West has been built almost entirely upon the desire for their own sense gratification. In other words, for a person to have sense gratification they must secure themselves economically. This is the motivating force. The belief that this sense gratification will make us happy is no longer as strong or convincing in the people as a whole.

There are millions of young people who feel no motivation to make economic advancement. They feel completely without reason to live. They were originally taught that the goal of life is sense gratification and the way to achieve it is to work hard for economic development.

From their own experiences that sense gratification is not enough to satisfy them they no longer have motivation to work and feel hopeless.

So, how do we resolve the conflict? It all starts in your heart where two beings reside: the soul and the Super Soul, aka God. Since God resides in the heart of ALL living beings, He knows your thoughts and desires. If you sincerely want to know Him, He will work it out. All it takes on your part is the sincere desire.

If you understand that God is in your heart does it not stand to reason that your body is truly a temple? As such, why do we continually defile it? Question: would you go into a church/temple/ synagogue/mosque or another place of worship and literally pee or take a dump on the floor? It’s probably the last thing you would do.

So, why then do you continually do it to your body?

You fill your temple with rotting carcasses, with heavy pesticides and drugs, both medicinal and recreational, smoke and alcohol, artificial sweeteners and flavors, chemically produced foods, and so many other pollutants and atrocities, and yet wonder why what is happening to you is happening to you.

See your body for the temple that it is and respect the Inhabitant and His part and parcel and maybe, just maybe, one day you will get the surprise of your life by finding out there is a God.

Aloha!

Sources:
www.theorderoftime.com
www.lifebeyonddeath.org
www.yogajournal.com

To learn more about Hesh, listen to and read hundreds of health related radio shows and articles, and learn about how to stay healthy and reverse degenerative diseases through the use of organic sulfur crystals and the most incredible bee pollen ever, please visit www.healthtalkhawaii.com, or email me at heshgoldstein@gmail.com or call me at (808) 258-1177. Since going on the radio in 1981 these are the only products I began to sell because they work.
Oh yeah, going to www.asanediet.com will allow you to read various parts of my book – “A Sane Diet For An Insane World”, containing a wonderful comment by Mike Adams.
In Hawaii, the TV stations interview local authors about the books they write and the newspapers all do book reviews. Not one would touch “A Sane Diet For An Insane World”. Why? Because it goes against their advertising dollars.

Are you happy being frustrated?

Avoid stress, be useful: 90-year-olds on how to have a long, happy life

A study suggests that average life expectancy will soon exceed 90 for the first time. Women born in South Korea in 2030 are forecast to have a life expectancy of 90, with other developed countries not far behind.

France is second in the league table for women, at 88.6 years, with British women 21st, at 85.2 years, and British men 14th, at 82.5 years.

We asked men and women in their 90s what life has taught them about ageing. Here is a selection of our interviews.

Jean Miller, 94, from Falkirk: ‘Life is an education. I’ve realised there’s a rhyme and reason for everything’

The key to reaching such a good age is to keep active and interested in things. I was working in a salon up until last year, but I had to leave as I was feeling a few aches and pains. I didn’t want it to get to the point where management asked me to leave. I used to take coats and make sure all the guests through the door were attended to. I made lots of great friends this way.

The moment you stop and sit in a chair is when you struggle. I have a lovely family and have taken an interest in the world around me. Now I am no longer working I go to a gym class on a Monday. It’s a class for over 50s so it’s fun, enjoyable exercises. We have tea afterwards. I also joined the University of the Third Age, a group for retired or semi-retired people to get together and learn for fun. There’s a theatre group I am part of through this and I am also hoping we will get to learn German soon. I signed up but we need a few more people to get involved before we can get started.

Life is an education and if you don’t learn as go along then that’s bad. I’ve learned to see things in a different way over time. My biggest lesson is to be more patient. I used to worry about things but now I don’t. I’ve realised there’s a rhyme and reason for everything. In life you’ve got to take things as they come.

Pam Zeldin, 94, from Manchester: ‘Get enough sleep, and don’t drink to excess – that said my older sister does enjoy a little G&T’

Pam Zeldin, 94 (left) with sister Nora, 98, and granddaughter Sophie. Photograph: Sophie Zeldin-O’Neill

I live with my sister Nora, who is 98, and we look after each other. Ten years ago her husband died and both her daughters were living in France at the time, so I said she could come and stay with me. We have always got on very well, and work as a team. We do all our own housework and have a chap who comes to tend to the garden. We clean the house together – she does the upstairs and I do downstairs. She cooks, and I do everything I can to help.

My main advice for people who want to live to a good age is to look after your health and live moderately. Also, get enough sleep, and don’t drink to excess – that said, Nora does enjoy a little G&T in the evenings!

When I retired, I joined a local choir and the Townswomen’s Guild. Getting involved in the community is really important as you get older because it broadens your social circle and your interests. I have always tried to get out a lot. I have two daughters, one of whom lives very nearby, so she often gives us a lift, or we’ll get a taxi. She also takes us on trips to places nearby, which we really enjoy. I have a scooter which comes in very handy and we have a little push trolley for when we go shopping. We also go to the cinema and the theatre, and on coach trips around the country. We go to the library and get our medicines delivered. We can’t go too far but we manage just fine.

I have learned that tolerance and routine is good. And to look after yourself and stay as active as possible. Being in your 90s is not as fun as other ages because you’re not as active, and your mobility is restricted. But you have to learn to cope as best you can. We have visitors – my other granddaughter who lives in London has come to Manchester University, so I am here for her at any time. It’s wonderful having grandchildren in the family.

What would I tell my younger self? I think I’ve done ok, but I would say, start as early as you can to make yourself financially stable for when you get older, so that you don’t have to worry. Take advantage of every opportunity – don’t just sit in the house. Also, travel as much as you possibly can – see the world, live well, take care of yourself. But don’t take things too seriously – it’s important to have lots of fun along the way too.

Krishnamoorty Dasu, 90, New Jersey, US: ‘To a great extent, age is just a state of the mind’

Krishnamoorty Dasu, 90: ‘The most important thing: be useful to yourself and to others.’ Photograph: Tamraparni Dasu

I’ve made it to this good age simply because death has been kind enough not to knock on my door.

I enjoy my life, it is a gift. Negotiating it itself is fun. Old age is what others attribute to you. To a great extent, age is a state of the mind. I take pleasure from listening to music and reading fiction. This is what I do for enjoyment these days.

I have learned a lot over the years but the most important thing: be useful to yourself and to others. If I could send a message to my younger self it would be to keep your mind and body fit by reading and rumination and through walking exercises. Also, eat in moderation. You really do not need all that food you eat.

Don Anderson, 99, from Birmingham: ‘You’ve got to take life and love gently, avoid the stresses’

Don Anderson, 99: ‘After my wife died, I tried internet dating. But it didn’t work out’

My advice for living to a good age is to take life slowly. This means avoiding the stresses that go with a lot of jobs. Find something peaceful to do like I did. My career was varied. I ended up actually founding Harlow, a local government district in the west of Essex. I bought the land it was built on and set up a council. I was one of the area’s founding fathers. I was a land agent before that and later in life became a professor.

I don’t have a great deal of hobbies now but I read a lot and I also keep active online. I use my iPad a lot. I’ve learned a lot over the years, but as I said above the biggest lesson is to take life in a measured and relaxed way, not to rush or worry too much about things. The same goes for what I have learned about love. My wife died some time ago and I tried internet dating after that. But it didn’t work out. You’ve got take love gently too.

Sheila Keating, 91, from London: ‘I have actually gained interests. I never used to write but I do that quite a lot now’

Sheila Keating, 91: ‘ I don’t eat particularly healthily. I don’t exercise enough’

Life in your 90s is much slower because I have difficulty with movement. But luckily I am not slower intellectually. I have actually gained interests. I never used to write but I do that quite a lot now. In fact I have written my husband [HRF Keating’s] biography and am waiting to get it published. I also record audiobooks.

One thing I hate though is modern technology. I use it of course but bitterly resent how much it’s used. There’s no other option in many cases. I think this is wrong because it doesn’t always work.

What have I learnt over the years? I am more tolerant than I used to be. That doesn’t mean I don’t champion certain causes I am passionate about but I live with others’ way of life more readily. That’s a plus for when you get older.

My biggest pleasures include having supper with friends and family. I go to the theatre still, not so much west end as it’s too expensive. I used to go swimming but have had to cut back on physical activities now. That’s one of the negatives of getting to this age.

I think I’ve managed to live this long due to sheer luck. I don’t eat particularly healthily. I don’t exercise enough although I used to more. I don’t think you can say any one thing is the key to a long life. All I know is that you’re extremely lucky if you keep your health into your 80s. You are there and ploughing on until 100 – that’s where I aim to get to.

Avoid stress, be useful: 90-year-olds on how to have a long, happy life

Co-Parenting: Tips to Ensure that Your Kids are Healthy and Happy

Separation or divorce is never easy on kids. Parents can improve their children’s mental and physical health by implementing simple routines that will keep kids healthy and happy.

Kids are frequently caught in the middle of their parent’s separation or divorce. Unfortunately, this can impact negatively on their mental and physical health. However, it doesn’t have to have to be this way. It is possible, albeit difficult, for both parents to sit down and decide on healthy eating, exercise, access to the internet, and bedtime routines amongst others.

Our children’s physical and mental health

We live in a consumerist, throwaway society that discourages healthy living. It’s far easier to sit in front of our electronic devices and order fast food than it is to cook our own food using healthy, natural ingredients.

It is also a well-known fact that kids need consistent structure and routine as “routines give them a sense of security and help them develop self-discipline… Children’s fear of the unknown includes everything from a suspicious new vegetable to a major change in their life.”

We can, therefore, conclude that co-parented children need both parents to implement the same structure and routines. Here are some simple tips to help you negotiate structure and routines that suit both parents:

Eating Healthily

We may or may not realize it, but kids do what their parents do; ergo, if we eat healthy, nutritious food, then our kids are more likely to follow a nutritious diet. However, if they see us eating take-outs, then they will be inclined to refuse to eat properly and insist on eating take-outs as well.

It might take a bit of effort in order to transition from purchasing fast foods to cooking your own food; however, the results are worth the effort.

Exercise and outdoor living

The whole family will benefit from spending time outdoors every day. There are many activities, such as hiking, camping, swimming, sailing, and walking on the beach, that the whole family can participate in together.

Limit time in front of electronic devices

Children love to play computer games and can spend hours in front of their gaming devices, living in the fantasy world that the game provides. The positive and negative effects of playing PC games are well documented. “Many scientists and psychologists find that video games can actually have many benefits – the main one is making kids smart.  Video games may actually teach kids high-level thinking skills that they will need in the future.”

On the other hand, the American Psychological Association “concluded that there is a consistent correlation between violent game use and aggression.” Spending too much time in front of an electronic device can also socially isolate kids – why must they deal with uncontrollable real world issues when they can disappear into a world that they can control?

Final words

These are just a few of the many issues both parents will have to negotiate shared rules over. Stumbling blocks will pop up along the way. Both parents might be loath to negotiate with the other parent. They might also have new families, and new friends, making it challenging to find common ground with each other. Finally, this begs the question: How important is my children’s wellbeing to me?

Author bio: The article on divorce has been written by Ignacio D. Pena who is a very active blogger and loves to write in the legal niche.

Co-Parenting: Tips to Ensure that Your Kids are Healthy and Happy

A Happy Meal Doesn’t Make You Happy: Are Convenient Meals Causing Depression & ADHD?

Are convenience meals causing ADHD & depression? We have all been there. We are running to a baseball game, and it appears easier to go through a drive-thru when your child is hungry, but have you ever really thought about what’s inside these “fast foods” targeted at kids? Move the free toy inside and take a deeper look. You will notice that the long list of neurotoxic ingredients in these “happy meals” cause everything from ADHD to depression to cancer.  It is a long and confusing jumble of neurotoxic chemicals and carcinogens. What effects are these foods are having on your child’s health? How do these ingredients contribute to the very disorders you then seek to medicate away like ADHD and depression.

What’s in this Stuff?

The majority of kid’s meals are made up of a hamburger and fries, which we have already identified as cancer causing foods. Burger King still offers soda with their kid’s meal, even though other chains have eliminated it. Have you seen the ingredient list in these meals? A cheeseburger contains 70 ingredients! That Happy Meal being marketed to your child is not something you should be happy about. To go line by line with every ingredient in a Happy Meal would take a long time, but you can review all of their ingredients on their website. What I found in my research were non-organic meat, dairy, fruits, and vegetables. All of these items contain harmful GMOs and pesticides. In a typical Happy Meal, you will find 540 calories, 18 grams of fat, 0.5 gram of trans fat, 790 mg of sodium, and 32 grams of sugar.

What about skipping the burger and fries and choosing chicken? Well, Chick-fil-A’s chicken contains MSG in their seasoning and breading. It’s also filled with GMOs, pesticides, and enriched flour, like nearly all of the foods on our list so far. McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets also contain the same things, although they don’t just come right out and say MSG. The natural flavors and seasoning are common ingredients where hidden MSG lies.

Better Alternative- Chipotle

This fast food chain’s motto is “food with integrity, ” and they are working to stand by this. Although their full menu is not organic or GMO-free yet, they do have a detailed ingredient list which labels what items on their menu are organic or contain GMOs.

Best Alternative- Skip the Fast Food

It may seem obvious, but because over 80% of the commercial feed for animals is GMO, it’s difficult to eat out and avoid GMOs. Fast food is usually higher in fat, calories, and sodium than food prepared in our homes. You have complete control over what foods go into your home cooking, unlike what is prepared at a fast food chain.

A Happy Meal Doesn’t Make You Happy: Are Convenient Meals Causing Depression & ADHD?

How to Raise a Happy Confident Daughter

Raising a successful daughter is challenging. Social pressures about how to be better and smarter are everywhere while anxiety and depression are more threatening for young girls than boys. Girls are always put pressure on about what is expected of them and how they should behave. So, whenever they encounter difficulties, they are more reliant to desperation than boys.

However, it is possible to raise a smart and happy daughter even though the percentage of encountering depressive feelings with successful women is three times bigger than the one of the successful men. Teach them to be happy, successful and accomplished when they grow up is achievable. The question is how. Here is a list that will give you directions of what you should and shouldn’t avoid while raising a successful daughter.

Every mother should be aware of the influence she has on her daughter

Mothers are the most powerful influence in creating their daughter’s character. Despite the general opinion that teenagers are easily led by their friends, a greater number of girls report that their role model is their mother in a survey carried out by Keds and Girls Leadership. The way a mother behaves in their daughter’s presence directly impacts the child’s behavior. Therefore, mothers should pay special attention in the words they speak and acts they do if they want to see their daughters acting and behaving the same way. How mother treats other people in front of her daughter influences directly the way her daughter interacts with people around her. Things that a mother doesn’t say also have a huge impact on her child’s behavior.

Body language reveals a lot of a mother’s personality. And, daughters copy their mothers in every aspect of appearance including body image and the way she treats herself. If a mother has a low opinion about herself, then her child is likely to have lower self-esteem as well. If a mother regards herself as being fat, then her daughter is likely to copy her behavior and treat herself as fat, too.

Dad’s influence is also crucial. When a father speaks to his daughter with a calm, natural voice boosts his child’s confidence. Moreover, daughters whose fathers praise them for their behavior more than their appearance are more likely to have successful careers and be more independent when they grow up.

Help Her Feel Unique

According to American Association of University Women girl’s self-confidence lowers 3.5 times more than boys’ self-confidence. Consequently, parents who encourage their daughters’ individuality create a base where they can rely on when they enter their teenage years. The stronger the sense of self-awareness, the better they manage in their adolescent years.  Parents who respect their daughters’  opinion and her decisions can expect them to have high self-esteem when they grow up. When your child chooses an interest, she enjoys doing, then support her by giving her the opportunity to explore it. Even if the interest is different from the rest of the family members’, try to find a way for her to develop her skills and indulge in her projects.

Praise Her Imperfection

No matter how contradictory it may sound, letting your daughter fail can boost her confidence. When girls make mistakes, it means that they are not as good as everyone expects them to be. Therefore, they try harder until they succeed. They need to take steps and fail to try again and develop some new skills that will make them stronger and more confident. If you want to raise a successful daughter, you must teach her that failure is part of life. She better learns it while she’s still young.

Instill Social Confidence

Girls often manage to hide their emotions especially when they are being raised in families who taught them that, as girls, they should always feel happy and excited. However, expressing their emotions is a powerful tool for them to get to know themselves better. Furthermore, whenever they feel jealous, angry, sad, disappointed or insecure, they need to raise awareness that something is important to them and it is necessary for them to express it.

Furthermore, parents shouldn’t impose to their daughter’s that the reason they feel angry about something is not a big deal. For instance, if your girl is rejected by her friend who doesn’t want to play with her, or is not invited to a birthday party, saying to her that it’s unimportant only will make her believe that her feelings aren’t valid. She will only learn to suppress her feelings.  Moreover, parents who tell their daughters that boys treat them bad because they like them is the worst advice a parent can give. It communicates the idea that it is ok to be treated bad. Tell your child that bad behavior is not to be tolerated under no circumstances. Teach her that she shouldn’t put up with people who treat her bad. This will only give her a better image of what to expect how others should treat her.

Finally, the most important factor in raising a successful daughter is the unconditional love you can give her. Girls who are being raised in a loving and supporting homes are far better achievers than those who lack it. Whenever she faces a challenge, knowing that you love her no matter what she accomplishes, will only boost her confidence and make her stronger.

Source:

Parents.com

Forbes.com

How to Raise a Happy Confident Daughter

Happy 1st anniversary, NDIS here is to several far more | Jenny Macklin

Nowadays marks a single yr considering that the Nationwide Disability Insurance coverage Scheme (NDIS) opened its doors in Victoria, NSW, South Australia and Tasmania. It’s also the day when the NDIS launches in the ACT, Western Australia and the Northern Territory. From these days, 1000′s of men and women in these states and territories will start off to get care, choice and control below the NDIS.

A whole lot has changed because that historic day final year. Most importantly, far more than 5,500 individuals with disability, their families and carers are for the initial time ever acquiring the care they need to have and deserve. By the time the NDIS is completely rolled out across Australia, a lot more than 460,000 Australians with disability will advantage.

The NDIS was difficult fought. A federal Labor government 1st attempted to get a nationwide insurance scheme for individuals with disability up and operating in 1975. Legislation to set up that prepare fell short, in what was a tumultuous time for our nation’s parliament. This time about, despite the problems presented by a hung parliament, the former Labor Government got it accomplished.

Right now, the NDIS is a reality. It is enshrined in law it is totally funded into the future. In recent months, I have had the privilege of hearing firsthand from individuals who are already benefitting from the NDIS.

In April and May of this 12 months, I travelled with the NDIS joint parliamentary committee to each of the 4 websites that launched one particular year ago today. I met John Coyle from Blackman’s Bay, Tasmania – one of the most inspiring guys I have ever encountered.

John lost his beloved wife to cancer about a decade in the past and is raising his 3 kids as a single dad. His eldest little one has developmental delays brought on by a chromosomal deletion called monosomy 1p36. His 2nd eldest child has autism spectrum disorder.

Like several mother and father of kids with disability, John is confronted each day with the agonising question of how his youngsters will get on when he is no longer capable to care for them total time. Ahead of the NDIS, the believed was terrifying. He’s “overjoyed” now he can clearly see a future for his young children. He described the NDIS as “a godsend”.

The difference of becoming spoken to with dignity, respect and compassion. Of seeing his children’s lives brought “from the fringe and into the mainstream”. He marvels at the personal skills his children have currently created since the NDIS came into their lives.

The NDIS is benefitting John and his youngest kid, also. Obtaining offered up perform in purchase to care for his wife throughout her battle with cancer, and then to become sole full-time carer for his young children, John has not had any time to himself for the better component of the previous decade.

Unconditional love, and the understanding that he is all his children have, is what has driven John by means of levels of exhaustion numerous of us will by no means know. Thanks to the NDIS, he now has accessibility to some respite, so that he can commit time with his youngest little one, or do the buying or the cleaning.

He hopes, and firmly believes, that the NDIS will transform wider local community attitudes to disability, at the exact same times as it transforms lives. It is a lengthy road ahead to make sure the NDIS becomes a reality for all Australians with substantial disability, their carers and households. Today, Labor says happy anniversary to the NDIS. We will battle tooth and nail to see that it is delivered in total, on time, as promised.

Happy 1st anniversary, NDIS here is to several far more | Jenny Macklin

The Large-Tech Headband That Can Make Your Stressed Brain Happy Once more

Muse is wearable engineering, but it does not create thoughts-blowing experiences. Just the opposite. Muse is a brain sensing headband that measures how overwhelmed your brain is from every thing lifestyle throws at it — and it aids calm your mind and rid oneself of unproductive and unhealthy pressure. This is just the beginning of what Muse can do. In the potential, employing this technology, you will be ready to customize and management your residence environment primarily based on your brain state, turning sci-fi into reality.

Ariel Garten is the 34-12 months-outdated co-founder of InteraXon, creators of Muse. She’s a neuroscientist, artist and practicing psychotherapist. She’s closing the gap among science, artwork, technological innovation and company.

I began working with brain sensing tech in labs above a decade ago and was immediately fascinated by the possible to assist individuals peer into the workings and behaviors of their very own minds. It didn’t seem to be correct that these incredible tools weren’t accessible to the standard public, and I truly wished to use my background in neuroscience and psychotherapy to help other people. With each other with my company partners, we determined to make it come about.

Muse is going to be part of each day life as an indispensable device assisting people overcome mental, physical and emotional barriers. It’s going to let us to totally free ourselves in approaches we never ever considered attainable.

How does it operate? Muse has sensors to detect and measure the exercise of your brain, similar to the way a heart check measures your pulse. The sensory input is translated into actual-time feedback on your tablet or intelligent cellphone through Bluetooth. You can see if your brain is stressed or calm, and with scientifically established exercise routines, you can bring your brain back to that healthy state of calm, coaching your brain. I think one particular of the greatest parts is that this exercising only takes 3 minutes a day (if only this could take place at the health club). Here’s a one particular-minute demo of what you will see on your tablet or cellphone:

What will Muse fix in the planet? My interview with Ariel, the brain behind the headband:

What do you consider is a single of the most critical items in the world that demands to be fixed?

Unproductive stress! In between 70-90% of doctor’s visits are stress connected illnesses (source: The American Institute of Anxiety). With rising costs of health care and the number of men and women with limited entry to it, if we could assist individuals reduce their tension picture the effect on their wellbeing — financial, physical, mental or emotional.

Arianna Huffington speaks quite candidly about this. Right after collapsing from overworked exhaustion a few many years in the past, she has given that turn out to be a devoted advocate of moving away from the popular two-track emphasis on income and power. She talks about prioritizing life: wellbeing, wonder, wisdom and giving. In the long run it all points in the direction of a more balanced and less tension-controlled life.

Obsession with standard ideas of ‘success’ can be damaging adequate, but compound that tension with relationships, loved ones, financial woes and health concerns and you find yourself in a consistent state of fight or flight. This causes individuals to be a lot more reactionary which additional perpetuates the cycle of tension.

I want to aid give folks the potential to stop and get just a number of minutes a day to regroup and refocus to give them a likelihood to get perspective on the items that matter and the items that really do not. Becoming able to train your mind to do this is not as difficult or time consuming as people believe. It’s about committing to it just like an workout regimen or healthier consuming habits. A healthier mind is just as important.

A statistic from Harvard states that we spend 46.9% of our time considering about anything other than what we are carrying out. This absence from the present second also brings about unproductive pressure.

What will the planet search like when it is fixed?

The world will look a whole lot more healthy when this is fixed. Men and women will uncover methods to be far more productive and imaginative, and hence come to feel a higher degree of satisfaction.  Their expert and private relationships will boost simply because anxiety will be much less of a barrier to listening, communicating and cooperating with other folks. Private motivation will be increased simply because the negativity of pressure will be significantly less of a aspect in their daily lives. All of this adds up to a higher sense of wellbeing dare I say “happiness.”

What are you undertaking to assist fix it?

Ariel Garten Wears Muse, Her Brain Sensing Headband

I’m tackling the fix in a couple approaches. The 1st is building and launching this new item, Muse: the brain sensing headband, that combines my passion for neuroscience with my desire to support as several people as achievable. I wanted to create a device that would support men and women physical exercise their minds in the most good and productive way—not just with cognitive workouts alone, but also with a focus in the direction of building emotional resilience.

The Large-Tech Headband That Can Make Your Stressed Brain Happy Once more

Kids who see Happy Meal advertising "put burger and fries before wholesome choice"

The analysis raised questions as to whether fast food chains need to be in a position to promote to youngsters. Photograph: Alex Segre / Alamy/Alamy

Television adverts for McDonald’s healthier Content Meal deals fail to inspire kids to pick food that is greater for them and rather encourage a basic preference for quickly foods, academic study suggests.

The menu choices of youngsters aged seven to ten who watched a series of adverts for meals in which carrots and apple could exchange french fries had been not significantly calorifically lower than they otherwise may possibly have been. The youngsters exposed to adverts for the Satisfied Meals were, however, far more probably to express a liking for McDonald’s and rapidly food in general. The regulator Ofcom judges whether or not foods companies can advertise to kids on the basis of the nutritional worth of the items without having taking into account the boost adverts bring to rapidly meals brand names as a entire.

Dr Emma Boyland, of Liverpool University, who carried out the examine, explained the investigation into the selections of 59 young children, 6 of whom have been overweight and 5 obese, raised queries over no matter whether the big fast food brands ought to be allowed to market to kids. Shadow public well being minister Luciana Berger has previously proposed an overhaul of the rules.

Final week researchers at the Institute for Wellness Metrics and Evaluation at the University of Washington claimed that British ladies were the fattest in Europe – with 29.two% of those aged under 20 getting overweight and obese. It was also claimed that far more people in the Uk were obese or overweight than at any other time in the final 3 decades

In Boyland’s research, half of the youngsters watched 10 programmes with adverts for McDonald’s Satisfied Meals, whilst the other half watched the same quantity of programmes with toy adverts. Of those young children who had watched the McDonald’s adverts, 84% subsequently mentioned that they had a liking for quickly food. This in contrast to 76% of individuals who watched the toy adverts. The calorific material of the selections manufactured by these who had witnessed the Happy Meal adverts, in which healthy alternatives are celebrated, were not drastically distinct from the other group.

Boyland mentioned: “I think my study suggests that the marketing is not driving healthier alternatives. The youngsters did not see healthful options and feel ‘I will have organic milk and carrot sticks’. The huge vast majority chose fries and a soft drink. But we did inquire them how significantly they liked rapidly food in basic and following seeing the McDonald’s adverts their liking for quick foods went up. My interpretation is it drives improved liking of fast foods, not more healthy foods decision.”

Boyland additional: “It’s a massive debate then about whether we ought to let fast meals giants to market healthy alternatives. If it is promoting healthier stuff, that need to in concept be a very good thing, but if the brand is so effectively known for quick foods and, on the complete, folks are purchasing unhealthy alternatives from there, is that anything we must be cracking down on?”

Principles drawn up by Ofcom prohibit advertisements for foods and drink goods high in fat, sugar and salt to be shown in and about programmes exclusively produced for kids. The rules were very first launched in 2007 and extended in 2008. However, a additional analysis by Boyland suggests that the regulatory regime, described by the government as the most stringent in the planet, is not safeguarding kids.

During one,931.five hours of Tv watched by children, from Peppa Pig to The X Factor, Boyland recorded 56,162 adverts – a rate of 29.1 an hour. There had been six,664 food and beverage adverts in the examine period, broadcast at an typical charge of three.5 an hour. Quick-meals objects were the most heavily advertised meals (15.two%). Boyland said: “The aim of the regulations is to decrease the exposure to individuals type of adverts and influence on diet regime. Our data suggests that this has not genuinely took place.”

Boyland mentioned that another problem was that children’s programming, during which fast foods adverts are not allowed, was defined by the proportion of ladies and boys who observe rather than by the amount. She mentioned: “So there will not be advertising in the course of SpongeBob Square Pants,which will attract a one hundred% youngster audience of say a hundred,000 children. Nonetheless, such promoting is allowed during The X Factor with, for example, a ten% child audience, equating to a million children. A bus can be driven via the loopholes.”

McDonald’s was not available for comment.

Kids who see Happy Meal advertising "put burger and fries before wholesome choice"

Stephen Sutton"s mom asks mourners to "do anything to make others happy"

Stephen Sutton: a two-day vigil for him will start on Thursday Photograph: Stephen Sutton/PA

The mom of an inspirational teenage cancer victim who raised almost £4m for charity has named on wellwishers to “do one thing to make other people happy” in his memory.

A two-day vigil for 19-12 months-previous Stephen Sutton who succumbed to a number of tumours earlier this month is due to start off on Thursday.

Sutton’s bravery in facing his terminal illness even though urging individuals to get pleasure from lifestyle has now turn out to be a international phenomenon reaching more than five million men and women around the world, according to a single social media web site.

His mom, Jane Sutton, explained: “The continued adore and support for Stephen is wonderful and a excellent comfort.”

She has named on individuals at 11am on Friday to “do something that can make you and other individuals satisfied in Stephen’s memory”.

The timing will coincide with a Thumbs Up For Stephen event – which is becoming publicised with the social media hashtag #ThumbsupforStephen, and which has been organised while the vigil at Lichfield cathedral in Staffordshire is under way.

The vigil starts at 7pm on Thursday, when folks are welcome to light a candle, lay flowers, reflect by the coffin and indicator a guide of condolence in the young campaigner’s honour.

Mrs Sutton additional: “I want individuals to have the possibility to come and spend their last respects to Stephen.

“It is critical that the vigil at Lichfield Cathedral has an opening and a public farewell, so I invite individuals especially to come and be component of these two moments and don’t forget Stephen.

“Stephen needed to put the fun in funeral, so do not come to feel you require to wear black. It truly is a celebration of his lifestyle and achievements.”

She extra: “If you cannot make it, don’t forget to consider a second at 11am on Friday morning to give a thumbs up for Stephen.

“This could be via Thunderclap.it, #ThumbsupforStephen, or you could give the thumbs up to a stranger, have a cup of tea and a slice of cake, feel a constructive believed, clap, cheer, or even execute a random act of kindness.

“Do something that tends to make you and other people pleased in Stephen’s memory.”

At 6pm on Thursday Stephen’s coffin will depart his residence in Burntwood, Staffordshire, by horse-drawn carriage. The coffin will be taken into the cathedral at 7pm and laid in a place of honour.

There is to be a brief opening ceremony at the cathedral at 7pm and the cathedral will continue to be open until midnight for men and women to pay out their respects.

Doors reopen at 7am on Friday, prior to a public farewell ceremony at 3pm.

At 3.45pm on Friday, the coffin will leave Lichfield for a private family funeral.

More than the previous few days people touched by Sutton’s memory have tied hundreds of yellow ribbons up all around his home town.

His campaign to increase awareness and cash for the Teenage Cancer Trust attracted massive assistance, earning praise from celebrities this kind of as Russell Brand, Simon Cowell, Ricky Gervais and Jason Manford.

Prime Minister David Cameron met Stephen while in hospital, and following his death on 14 May, explained: “I can hardly believe of anyone I’ve met with such a zest for daily life, and this kind of a belief that you can get items carried out, and who wanted to dwell each minute.

“He was absolutely inspiring.”

The Stephen’s Story Facebook site, in which the teenager gave standard updates on his perform and latterly his deteriorating overall health, now has one.two million “likes”.

Meanwhile, the total quantity raised on his justgiving.com fundraising web page now stands at £3.96m – the single largest ever sum raised for the Teenage Cancer Believe in.

It is estimated that up to forty,000 people will flip up above the two days to honour the former Chase Terrace Technology School pupil.

Full information about the vigil and a map for guests is accessible here

Stephen Sutton"s mom asks mourners to "do anything to make others happy"

Is Britain hooked on happy tablets?

The proof on the positive aspects of antidepressants is also weak. In randomised trials antidepressants minimize scores on depression rating scale only a fraction much more than a placebo or dummy tablet. The variation is almost certainly as well little to be clinically relevant, and, rather than indicating a specific impact on depression, it may possibly basically be a consequence of taking a substance with noticeable psychological and bodily effects.

Antidepressants are not as toxic as some medication prescribed for psychological disorders, but they have substantial adverse effects nonetheless. It is well-recognised that they minimize libido and interfere with sexual overall performance, and in some isolated circumstances this impact has been reported to persist after the antidepressant is stopped. As well as suppressing sex drive, they can numb people’s feelings and induce feelings of lethargy. Some modern antidepressants lead to unpleasant feelings of agitation or irritability, which arise most frequently in younger people. Most worrying of all, there is proof that antidepressants sometimes induce suicidal emotions, again specially in the young.

Though they had been initially trumpeted as not being habit-forming, it has been apparent for several many years that some individuals expertise unpleasant withdrawal symptoms when they discontinue antidepressants. In a small quantity of people discontinuation symptoms are intense and protracted.

In my clinical knowledge, several people just carry on taking their antidepressant simply because they are also fearful to cease, and investigation in common practice confirms that men and women are taking these drugs for longer and longer intervals.

Being depressed from time to time is a universal human knowledge. Some men and women endure from low moods far more than other folks, but there is no goal way of saying when this is abnormal and when it is not. Diagnosing people with a medical disorder and prescribing a pill may possibly seem to offer an simple response, but in reality it stores up more troubles than it solves.

By encouraging folks to view their problems as a disease, which is outdoors their handle, antidepressants might make men and women less assured to manage their issues in the extended-run. As a society, our dependence on antidepressants helps make us significantly less resilient and much less resourceful in the encounter of the everyday challenges of modern residing.

Dr Joanna Moncrieff is consultant psychiatrist at North East London NHS basis trust and writer of The Bitterest Tablets

Is Britain hooked on happy tablets?