On mental health, the royal family is doing more than our government | William Davies

The public profile of mental health experienced another boost this week, thanks to some moving comments made by Prince Harry and the Duke of Cambridge about the impact of their mother’s death, nearly 20 years ago. The two royals are working for the Heads Together campaign, which seeks to combat the stigma surrounding mental health issues, and to encourage people to speak more openly about their difficulties.

Harry’s admission that he had ignored his own emotional distress for several years before eventually having counselling was a valuable contribution, from a figure more commonly associated with laddish machismo. William’s focus on male suicide statistics was also a good use of his celebrity.

The royal family cannot get involved in divisive party political issues, and so we can only conclude from these interventions that mental health is something that exists beyond the fray of politics. Breaking the “stigma” surrounding mental health issues is certainly not something that one would want to identify as a leftwing or a rightwing agenda.

There is no more damning indictment on British society in 2017 than the prevalence of mental distress among children

On the other hand, political parties have been keen to make the mental health agenda their own. Theresa May has established mental health as one of the key areas where she hopes to signal her government’s concern for everyday human suffering, making a high-profile speech in January that also stressed the importance of breaking the stigma that clouds the issue.

All of this presents something of a riddle. Mental health problems have risen in profile to the point where the prime minister and the heir to the throne are personally committed to combating them. Yet there is scarcely any public discussion about where they actually stem from. Losing a parent at a vulnerable age, as Harry did, is terrible and harmful – but epidemics do not arise purely out of private tragedies.

The stigma attached to mental health is a real problem in workplaces and schools, as are the benefits of overturning it. But stigma can scarcely be viewed as the cause of what it stigmatises.

The orthodoxy that has taken root since the 1980s is that mental health problems are disorders of the brain. The success of SSRIs since the launch of Prozac in 1987 has helped to entrench this view. This doesn’t mean that mental illness can’t be treated with “talking cures”, such as cognitive behavioural therapy or by being more open about one’s emotions, as Prince Harry has argued. But the idea that mental health problems are illnesses just like any other illnesses has become one of the main ways in which the stigma is challenged. Comparisons with cancer have become common.

The idea that one is simply “unwell” no doubt provides comfort to many people wrestling with their own depression or anxiety. But it also blocks out a whole host of more fundamental cultural, political and economic questions regarding the distribution of distress in our society – the sorts of questions that the Duke of Cambridge would be less likely to grapple with.

‘There is scarcely any public discussion about where [Britain’s mental health problems] actually stem from.’ Photograph: SilverHub/Rex Features

There is no more damning indictment on British society in 2017 than the prevalence of mental distress among children. Nearly a quarter of a million are receiving mental health treatment from the NHS, and those contacting Childline complaining of anxiety and exam-related stress have been climbing year-on-year. Rates of self-harm amongst young girls have risen by 42% in a decade.

Are we to believe that it was simply “stigma” that swept all this under the carpet in the past? Or might children be telling the truth, when they say they feel overwhelmed by the requirement to perform, excel, keep up? The NSPCC reports that some children are having to sit mock exams just a few weeks after returning from the summer holidays. Think about what that means and does psychologically. What does Theresa May have to say about that? British children have become damagingly competitive, and less forgiving of failure. Which minister will have the guts to stand up and say to children that being average is OK?

Adult mental health problems may present themselves as medical and be treated as such, but they are not immune to sociological analysis. Researchers have found that adult mental health is worse among those who frequently moved house as a child. Today’s housing crisis is tomorrow’s mental health crisis.

Rising household indebtedness is another major culprit, especially the kinds of problem debts that are associated with week-by-week financial precarity. Children suffer when their parents are too stressed or depressed to listen to them or play with them. Debt problems break up families.

Austerity has been disastrous for the nation’s mental health. The British Psychological Society has called for a termination of benefit sanctions (which are effectively designed to produce anxiety); academics have shown the deep emotional harm wrought by the bedroom tax. Teachers, who live under the constant spectre of monitoring and performance assessment, are seeking medical help for stress in shocking numbers.

The seductive concept of “public sector productivity gains” conceals thousands of personal tragedies among doctors, paramedics and local government service providers, many of whom cling to a dream of exiting their profession. And these are the same people who look after the wellbeing of our children and mental health patients.

No doubt mental health will feature prominently in party manifestos, now that it’s gone mainstream. Whether any of the above gets a look-in remains to be seen. Labour should be shouting about it, and not allow the hypocritical architects of austerity an inch of this territory. Next time a Labour politician is patronised as being too leftwing by a journalist, the evidence on what inequality does to our minds should be slung back.

So, yes, we need to talk more. And, yes, stigma surrounding depression and anxiety makes things worse. But it’s not just ourselves and our medical histories we need to talk about. We also need to talk about what sort of society we’ve built, and what the alternative might look like. For all their good intentions, Harry and Wills might need to sit that one out.

On mental health, the royal family is doing more than our government | William Davies

Princes William and Harry break mental health taboos for a new generation | Simon Wessely

Big boys don’t cry, so I was told as a child. But has that always been the case? Nelson’s captains as they made their slow way towards the French fleet at Cape Trafalgar certainly didn’t think so. Many had wept when first shown the battle plan. Tears were not unmanly – far from it. Nelson’s captains were “men of feeling”, part of the culture of sensibility. And this wasn’t just an affectation of the gentry: jolly Jack Tar wasn’t always jolly, and wept buckets on numerous occasions captured in contemporary accounts.

Politicians such as Edmund Burke and Charles James Fox were also liable to burst into tears in moments of high parliamentary emotion, as shown in many satirical drawings. As Thomas Dixon describes in his splendid Weeping Britannia: Portrait of a Nation in Tears, it was not until the Victorian era that stoicism replaced sensibility, and the cult of the “stiff upper lip” was born. And it wasn’t even British – the phrase had been popular in the United States for several decades before it first made an appearance over here.

Now Princes William and Harry have called for the end of the British stiff upper lip culture. And there is much to welcome in this, even if theirs is by no means the first such call – John Lennon being an early advocate in 1970, reminding people that “men hurt” and the therapeutic value of tears. We know for example when dealing with grief and bereavement that repressing memories, not talking about the death of a loved one or avoiding reminders for a long period of time can sometimes prolong grief and its consequences and make things even more complex.

Our own research has shown that after traumatic tours of duty many people in the services find sharing difficult experiences with their mates, and to a lesser extent their families, immensely helpful. Likewise, the vast majority of those living in London during the 7 July 2005 terrorist bombs said that they dealt with their feelings of anxiety and upset by talking a great deal to friends, relatives and colleagues.

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But equally, we have also shown that this should be done at a time and a place of your choosing, and preferably to someone who knows you, or is at least part of your social circle and network. At other times, most particularly in the immediate aftermath of trauma, exhortations that it is “better out than in”, as happened with the vogue for what was known as single-session psychological debriefing, not only failed to reduce distress; it often made it worse. Sometimes it is better to talk about family and football until the person is ready for something more difficult.

There is no correct way to deal with trauma and grief – and we should never forget that most people most of the time cope with horrendous adversity without any help beyond their own social networks. People are more resilient than professionals think.

Everybody deals with trauma and grief in their own way, and that’s how it should be. These are painful, sometimes gut-wrenchingly painful, experiences, but eventually it will happen to all, and we should not be, and are not, in the business of pathologising a normal experience. Talking to others at your own time and pace is one way to deal with this, but not the only one.

However, sometimes the pain never eases, and perhaps people will slip into depression, unusual behaviours, or alcohol. Then the evidence does show that it is good to talk, and continued avoidance or repression can just perpetuate suffering. And sometimes it is OK to talk to what Prince Harry called a “shrink”. I think I prefer myself to be called a psychiatrist, but frankly, it doesn’t really matter what we are called so long as people feel able to get the help they need.

So there can be no doubt that having such high-profile young figures as princes William and Harry talking about mental health and their experiences of it can only be a good thing. They belong to a generation that definitely “gets” mental health much more than my generation did. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with having that much parodied and perhaps slightly mythical “stiff upper lip”, but lips sometimes need to be unbuttoned, especially in times of trouble.

So when I saw Prince Harry come to King’s College London last month and interview three ex-service personnel who had experienced significant mental health problems as a result of their experiences of war, it was clear he was speaking from the heart as much as he was appealing to the head. He’s a powerful role model and has a reach that we can only dream of.

Similarly, his brother means what he says when he talks of ending the taboo around talking about important issues such as anxiety, saying how in the past that has been seen as a sign of “weakness”, and how touring schools with his wife Catherine has inspired them. He said that seeing children talk about some “quite difficult subjects in a really clear and emotionally articulate way” had given him hope that things were changing and “there is a generation coming up who find it normal to talk openly about their emotions”. Indeed so. No, it’s not rocket science. No, it won’t eradicate all mental disorders and no, it won’t work for everyone. But it’s a good place to start.

Princes William and Harry break mental health taboos for a new generation | Simon Wessely

Prince William: suicide callout shed light on men"s mental health

The Duke of Cambridge has spoken of his shock at being called out to his first suicide as an air ambulance pilot in a joint interview with his brother, Prince Harry, on tackling masculinity and mental health issues.

Prince William said the “tipping point” for him in understanding how men struggle to deal with mental health problems came with his work with the East Anglian air ambulance.

“My first callout was to a male suicide and I was told there were five suicides or attempted suicides every day in East Anglia alone. When I looked into it I was shocked by how bad this situation is – suicide is the biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK – which is absolutely appalling.”

He praised grime star Stormzy, sportsmen Rio Ferdinand and Freddie Flintoff, and rapper Professor Green for publicly talking about pressures on their mental health.

The interview with the princes is part of a campaign to encourage better communication about mental health issues. It follows Harry’s revelations that he sought counselling after coming close to a breakdown over the death of his mother and had two years of “total chaos” that led him to process his grief.

The interview, with CALMzine, published by the Campaign Against Living Miserably, is for a special edition before the London Marathon, during which the princes and the Duchess of Cambridge will cheer on runners taking part for their mental health campaign, Heads Together, which is the charity of the year for the marathon.

Talking about how men often feel it was a sign of weakness to discuss their mental health, William said: “There may be a time and a place for the stiff upper lip, but not at the expense of your health. The recent interview by Stormzy about his depression was incredibly powerful and will help young men feel that it’s a sign of strength to talk about and look after your mind as well as your body.

He said he hoped subsequent generations would find it more normal to talk about their emotions. “Catherine and I are clear that we want both George and Charlotte to grow up feeling able to talk about their emotions and feelings.”

Harry, who served two tours of Afghanistan with the army and who actively campaigned to raise awareness of mental health issues within the military, believed progress was being made.

“The military is a complex picture as on one hand there is an incredible sense of brotherhood and belonging between you and your mates,” he told the magazine. “You’ll do anything for each other – scrub each other’s boots, drag each other through the mud – anything.

Stormzy’s appearance on Channel 4 news to discuss his battle with depression has been described as ‘a game changer’. Photograph: Ian West/PA

“Yet, on the other hand, this support for each other hasn’t, up to now, included looking after how your buddy is feeling and thinking about things. When you’re serving you look after your physical health, your training, your equipment, but not your head.

“There’s definitely been a misplaced sense of pride has got in the way of the people in the military community talking about their mental health and getting help. It’s changing now and I’m proud that this is part of the Heads Together campaign.

“Hopefully, if men see soldiers talking about mental health, it will give them the confidence to do the same.”

In an interview with the Daily Telegraph published on Monday, the prince reflected on the impact of his mother’s death and the time it took him to process it. “[I thought] it’s only going to make you sad, it’s not going to bring her back,” he said. “So from an emotional side, I was like ‘right, don’t ever let your emotions be part of anything’. So I was a typical 20-, 25-, 28-year-old running around going ‘life is great’, or ‘life is fine’ and that was exactly it.

“And then [I] started to have a few conversations and actually all of a sudden, all of this grief that I have never processed started to come to the forefront and I was like, there is actually a lot of stuff here that I need to deal with.”

On 19 April, four days before the marathon, the duchess will host runners from Team Heads Together at Kensington Palace to talk about their reasons for running and wish them luck.

William will attend the screening of the BBC’s Mind Over Marathon documentary at the BBC Radio Theatre on 18 April, which follows 10 runners affected by mental health issues. The royal trio will open the Global Academy in support of Heads Together on 20 April.

• In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
  

Prince William: suicide callout shed light on men"s mental health

Celebrities At Wimbledon: Prince William, David Beckham, Pippa Middleton, And Other Stars Hold Court On Centre Court

The Wimbledon Championships have always brought celebrities, moguls and specifically royals to centre court to witness the splendor on the grass. But this year a galaxy of British stars came out to see if Andy Murray could repeat as men’s champion. (Alas, he misplaced in the quarterfinals.) But that did not end David Beckham, Richard Branson, Colin Firth, and the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge from showing their really like of the sport. Although you have to feel undesirable for the fans who have been seated behind Shaquille O’Neal on opening day—and presumably had an obstructed see.

Celebrities At Wimbledon: Prince William, David Beckham, Pippa Middleton, And Other Stars Hold Court On Centre Court

Sorry, Prince William, you know you are receiving old when...

_{Prince William in 2014 (Getty Images)}

Now that he has turn into a father, Prince William’s hair has commenced to recede quicker than a Eurozone economic climate. Sorry, Your Royal Highness, it seems that you’re obtaining previous.

Right here, then, are some much more telltale indicators that time is taking its toll on us men…

1. Going to bed early is not a punishment, but a blessed relief.

2. You are, quite sometimes, far more interested by infants than babes.

3. Someone famous dies and your immediate reaction is to subtract your age from theirs and realise, with a start off, that the difference is terrifyingly small. Or, even worse, that you are older.

4. You uncover that there is an inverse partnership among the quantity of hair on your head and the quantity of shampoos, conditioners, grooming gels, creams, bottles of Just For Males, restorative foams and anti-baldness tablets you possess. Soon, you will have a bathroom cabinet that puts Boots to shame and a scalp like Kojak’s even balder brother.

5. You get the reference to Kojak.

^{Kojak: “who loves ya, child?” (ALAMY)}

6. All people furious female Television presenters who are often protesting that they’re also old to get good jobs any a lot more, well, they don’t seem to be that old to you.

7. You are clearing out the garage – due to the fact that is the kind of thing you do these days – and you uncover a pile of old vinyl LPs. You haven’t played any of them in 20 many years, perhaps a lot more, but each and every sleeve brings back a memory.

_{Vinyl LP covers: a reminder of happier occasions (ALAMY)}

eight. You see a quite young issue swishing down the street on a sunny day and your heart still lights up as it always did. But the blood does not pound as challenging as a youthful man’s does. And then you realise that you are probably older than the fairly young thing’s father. Or, in some elements of the nation, her grandad.

9. It is not just that you’re older – much, much older… – than the footballers on Match of the Day. It’s that the managers have started out to seem to be youthful, as do the pundits and certainly the referees. Not that you see several of them, due to the fact you’ve dropped off less than halfway by way of the programme. Speaking of which …

10. Afternoon nap – the two best words in the lexicon.

11. You start off to consider a perverse pride in wearing previous garments. They are agreeably acquainted, and the tattier they get, the more cozy they grow to be. It is a incredible relief to give up buying practically totally. You start contemplating they’ll most likely see you out if you look after them very carefully. And what could offer a lot more satisfaction than being able to get into the jeans you bought when you were 35?

12. Squat on your haunches. Now stand. Just a number of twinges, are not there? Kneel down for far more than 30 seconds. Try out to get up. See what I suggest?

13. Although viewing Steve Coogan and Rob Bryden in The Trip to Italy, you hoot with laughter at Coogan’s spot-on impersonation of Neil Kinnock while your unsmiling teenage son asks: “Who’s Neil Kinnock?”

14. Pensions cease to be a topic of no curiosity whatever and become an overriding obsession. See also the iniquities of annuity costs, the rapacity of fund managers, the dubious potential of monetary advisers. And as for George Osborne’s pension reforms in the Spending budget, oh, be still my beating heart: what excitement!

15. Gardening – there is yet another issue that never ever used to be of any interest no matter what. But all of a sudden you uncover by yourself brooding in excess of slug repellents, leafing via seed, bulb and David Austin rose catalogues and, yes, becoming genuinely grateful for a actually great pair of gardening gloves at Christmas.

16. It is not that you invest Saturday evenings in, viewing all these Euro-cop demonstrates on BBC Four, laying off the Scandinavian murder mysteries and Belgian conspiracy thrillers just long enough to relish the intrigues of Danish coalition politics it is that you really believe you are rather fashionable as you’re doing it.

17. You employed to be reasonably hip, but now you have virtually no concept at all what the number one single could probably be. If you occur to hear it, your 1st reaction is to spot all the songs and artists you don’t forget from the old days from which it (like practically all contemporary hits) has been ripped off.

18. How can one be each shortsighted and longsighted at the exact same time? Reach middle-age, that is how. Out of the blue Tv dinners turn out to be a nightmare as you find out that you can both see the telly, or the foods on your plate. But not both, and suddenly…

19. You can hold your own in a discussion about varifocals. “Oh, do they function for you? Actually? I couldn’t get the hang of them at all, myself. They just created me come to feel woozy and strolling downstairs was a nightmare of vertigo. What? You have various prescription lenses in either eye? Remarkable, etc…”

^{One particular Path (I feel…) (GETTY Photographs)}

20. The baby that you as soon as held so nervously in your arms goes to school, and you include ‘nativity plays’ to the listing of sudden pleasures. Then you go to cello recitals and cheer at football games and battle to get your young children into the school you wished and you suffer through GCSEs and A-Levels, by way of fights with friends and first romances, by means of furious rows and slamming doors, through endless evenings spent ferrying them to events and back. Then suddenly they’re halfway round the globe, backpacking anyplace from Bolivia to Bangkok. And they are graduating, receiving jobs and by some means costing even much more than they ever did before. And you just cannot picture how the time could have gone by so rapidly.

Oh, and a single ultimate thing…

21. You know you left an additional sign of receiving previous somewhere safe, just in situation you needed it, but you just can not bear in mind in which…

Sorry, Prince William, you know you are receiving old when...

Sorry, Prince William, you know you"re receiving outdated when...

_{Prince William in 2014 (Getty Images)}

Now that he has become a father, Prince William’s hair has started to recede faster than a Eurozone economy. Sorry, Your Royal Highness, it seems that you’re getting old.

Here, then, are some more telltale signs that time is taking its toll on us men…

1. Going to bed early is not a punishment, but a blessed relief.

2. You are, very occasionally, more interested by babies than babes.

3. Someone famous dies and your immediate reaction is to subtract your age from theirs and realise, with a start, that the difference is terrifyingly small. Or, even worse, that you’re older.

4. You discover that there is an inverse relationship between the amount of hair on your head and the number of shampoos, conditioners, grooming gels, creams, bottles of Just For Men, restorative foams and anti-baldness pills you possess. Soon, you will have a bathroom cabinet that puts Boots to shame and a scalp like Kojak’s even balder brother.

5. You get the reference to Kojak.

^{Kojak: “who loves ya, baby?” (ALAMY)}

6. All those furious female TV presenters who are always protesting that they’re too old to get decent jobs any more, well, they don’t seem that old to you.

7. You’re clearing out the garage – because that’s the kind of thing you do these days – and you find a pile of old vinyl LPs. You haven’t played any of them in 20 years, maybe more, but every sleeve brings back a memory.

_{Vinyl LP covers: a reminder of happier times (ALAMY)}

8. You see a pretty young thing swishing down the street on a sunny day and your heart still lights up as it always did. But the blood doesn’t pound as hard as a young man’s does. And then you realise that you’re probably older than the pretty young thing’s father. Or, in some parts of the country, her grandad.

9. It’s not just that you’re older – much, much older… – than the footballers on Match of the Day. It’s that the managers have started to seem young, as do the pundits and certainly the referees. Not that you see many of them, because you’ve dropped off less than halfway through the programme. Speaking of which …

10. Afternoon nap – the two finest words in the lexicon.

11. You start to take a perverse pride in wearing old clothes. They’re agreeably familiar, and the tattier they get, the more comfortable they become. It’s a tremendous relief to give up shopping almost entirely. You start thinking they’ll probably see you out if you look after them carefully. And what could provide more satisfaction than being able to get into the jeans you bought when you were 35?

12. Squat on your haunches. Now stand. Just a few twinges, aren’t there? Kneel down for more than 30 seconds. Try to get up. See what I mean?

13. While watching Steve Coogan and Rob Bryden in The Trip to Italy, you hoot with laughter at Coogan’s spot-on impersonation of Neil Kinnock while your unsmiling teenage son asks: “Who’s Neil Kinnock?”

14. Pensions cease to be a subject of no interest whatever and become an overriding obsession. See also the iniquities of annuity rates, the rapacity of fund managers, the dubious ability of financial advisers. And as for George Osborne’s pension reforms in the Budget, oh, be still my beating heart: what excitement!

15. Gardening – there’s another thing that never used to be of any interest whatever. But suddenly you find yourself brooding over slug repellents, leafing through seed, bulb and David Austin rose catalogues and, yes, being genuinely grateful for a really good pair of gardening gloves at Christmas.

16. It’s not that you spend Saturday evenings in, watching all those Euro-cop shows on BBC Four, laying off the Scandinavian murder mysteries and Belgian conspiracy thrillers just long enough to relish the intrigues of Danish coalition politics; it’s that you actually think you’re rather trendy as you’re doing it.

17. You used to be reasonably hip, but now you have literally no idea at all what the number one single could possibly be. If you happen to hear it, your first reaction is to spot all the songs and artists you remember from the old days from which it (like virtually all contemporary hits) has been ripped off.

18. How can one be both shortsighted and longsighted at the same time? Reach middle-age, that’s how. Suddenly TV dinners become a nightmare as you discover that you can either see the telly, or the food on your plate. But not both, and suddenly…

19. You can hold your own in a discussion about varifocals. “Oh, do they work for you? Really? I couldn’t the hang of them at all, myself. They just made me feel woozy and walking downstairs was a nightmare of vertigo. What? You have different prescription lenses in either eye? Amazing, etc…”

^{One Direction (I think…) (GETTY IMAGES)}

20. The baby that you once held so nervously in your arms goes to school, and you add ‘nativity plays’ to the list of unexpected pleasures. Then you go to cello recitals and cheer at football games; and fight to get your children into the school you wanted; and you suffer through GCSEs and A-Levels, through fights with friends and first romances, through furious rows and slamming doors, through endless evenings spent ferrying them to parties and back. Then suddenly they’re halfway round the world, backpacking anywhere from Bolivia to Bangkok. And they’re graduating, getting jobs and somehow costing even more than they ever did before. And you simply can’t imagine how the time could have gone by so fast.

Oh, and one final thing…

21. You know you left another sign of getting old somewhere safe, just in case you needed it, but you simply can’t remember where…

Sorry, Prince William, you know you"re receiving outdated when...

Sorry, Prince William, you know you are acquiring previous when...

_{Prince William in 2014 (Getty Images)}

Now that he has become a father, Prince William’s hair has started to recede faster than a Eurozone economy. Sorry, Your Royal Highness, it seems that you’re getting old.

Here, then, are some more telltale signs that time is taking its toll on us men…

1. Going to bed early is not a punishment, but a blessed relief.

2. You are, very occasionally, more interested by babies than babes.

3. Someone famous dies and your immediate reaction is to subtract your age from theirs and realise, with a start, that the difference is terrifyingly small. Or, even worse, that you’re older.

4. You discover that there is an inverse relationship between the amount of hair on your head and the number of shampoos, conditioners, grooming gels, creams, bottles of Just For Men, restorative foams and anti-baldness pills you possess. Soon, you will have a bathroom cabinet that puts Boots to shame and a scalp like Kojak’s even balder brother.

5. You get the reference to Kojak.

^{Kojak: “who loves ya, baby?” (ALAMY)}

6. All those furious female TV presenters who are always protesting that they’re too old to get decent jobs any more, well, they don’t seem that old to you.

7. You’re clearing out the garage – because that’s the kind of thing you do these days – and you find a pile of old vinyl LPs. You haven’t played any of them in 20 years, maybe more, but every sleeve brings back a memory.

_{Vinyl LP covers: a reminder of happier times (ALAMY)}

8. You see a pretty young thing swishing down the street on a sunny day and your heart still lights up as it always did. But the blood doesn’t pound as hard as a young man’s does. And then you realise that you’re probably older than the pretty young thing’s father. Or, in some parts of the country, her grandad.

9. It’s not just that you’re older – much, much older… – than the footballers on Match of the Day. It’s that the managers have started to seem young, as do the pundits and certainly the referees. Not that you see many of them, because you’ve dropped off less than halfway through the programme. Speaking of which …

10. Afternoon nap – the two finest words in the lexicon.

11. You start to take a perverse pride in wearing old clothes. They’re agreeably familiar, and the tattier they get, the more comfortable they become. It’s a tremendous relief to give up shopping almost entirely. You start thinking they’ll probably see you out if you look after them carefully. And what could provide more satisfaction than being able to get into the jeans you bought when you were 35?

12. Squat on your haunches. Now stand. Just a few twinges, aren’t there? Kneel down for more than 30 seconds. Try to get up. See what I mean?

13. While watching Steve Coogan and Rob Bryden in The Trip to Italy, you hoot with laughter at Coogan’s spot-on impersonation of Neil Kinnock while your unsmiling teenage son asks: “Who’s Neil Kinnock?”

14. Pensions cease to be a subject of no interest whatever and become an overriding obsession. See also the iniquities of annuity rates, the rapacity of fund managers, the dubious ability of financial advisers. And as for George Osborne’s pension reforms in the Budget, oh, be still my beating heart: what excitement!

15. Gardening – there’s another thing that never used to be of any interest whatever. But suddenly you find yourself brooding over slug repellents, leafing through seed, bulb and David Austin rose catalogues and, yes, being genuinely grateful for a really good pair of gardening gloves at Christmas.

16. It’s not that you spend Saturday evenings in, watching all those Euro-cop shows on BBC Four, laying off the Scandinavian murder mysteries and Belgian conspiracy thrillers just long enough to relish the intrigues of Danish coalition politics; it’s that you actually think you’re rather trendy as you’re doing it.

17. You used to be reasonably hip, but now you have literally no idea at all what the number one single could possibly be. If you happen to hear it, your first reaction is to spot all the songs and artists you remember from the old days from which it (like virtually all contemporary hits) has been ripped off.

18. How can one be both shortsighted and longsighted at the same time? Reach middle-age, that’s how. Suddenly TV dinners become a nightmare as you discover that you can either see the telly, or the food on your plate. But not both, and suddenly…

19. You can hold your own in a discussion about varifocals. “Oh, do they work for you? Really? I couldn’t the hang of them at all, myself. They just made me feel woozy and walking downstairs was a nightmare of vertigo. What? You have different prescription lenses in either eye? Amazing, etc…”

^{One Direction (I think…) (GETTY IMAGES)}

20. The baby that you once held so nervously in your arms goes to school, and you add ‘nativity plays’ to the list of unexpected pleasures. Then you go to cello recitals and cheer at football games; and fight to get your children into the school you wanted; and you suffer through GCSEs and A-Levels, through fights with friends and first romances, through furious rows and slamming doors, through endless evenings spent ferrying them to parties and back. Then suddenly they’re halfway round the world, backpacking anywhere from Bolivia to Bangkok. And they’re graduating, getting jobs and somehow costing even more than they ever did before. And you simply can’t imagine how the time could have gone by so fast.

Oh, and one final thing…

21. You know you left another sign of getting old somewhere safe, just in case you needed it, but you simply can’t remember where…

Sorry, Prince William, you know you are acquiring previous when...

Sorry, Prince William, you know you happen to be receiving outdated when...

_{Prince William in 2014 (Getty Images)}

Now that he has become a father, Prince William’s hair has started to recede faster than a Eurozone economy. Sorry, Your Royal Highness, it seems that you’re getting old.

Here, then, are some more telltale signs that time is taking its toll on us men…

1. Going to bed early is not a punishment, but a blessed relief.

2. You are, very occasionally, more interested by babies than babes.

3. Someone famous dies and your immediate reaction is to subtract your age from theirs and realise, with a start, that the difference is terrifyingly small. Or, even worse, that you’re older.

4. You discover that there is an inverse relationship between the amount of hair on your head and the number of shampoos, conditioners, grooming gels, creams, bottles of Just For Men, restorative foams and anti-baldness pills you possess. Soon, you will have a bathroom cabinet that puts Boots to shame and a scalp like Kojak’s even balder brother.

5. You get the reference to Kojak.

^{Kojak: “who loves ya, baby?” (ALAMY)}

6. All those furious female TV presenters who are always protesting that they’re too old to get decent jobs any more, well, they don’t seem that old to you.

7. You’re clearing out the garage – because that’s the kind of thing you do these days – and you find a pile of old vinyl LPs. You haven’t played any of them in 20 years, maybe more, but every sleeve brings back a memory.

_{Vinyl LP covers: a reminder of happier times (ALAMY)}

8. You see a pretty young thing swishing down the street on a sunny day and your heart still lights up as it always did. But the blood doesn’t pound as hard as a young man’s does. And then you realise that you’re probably older than the pretty young thing’s father. Or, in some parts of the country, her grandad.

9. It’s not just that you’re older – much, much older… – than the footballers on Match of the Day. It’s that the managers have started to seem young, as do the pundits and certainly the referees. Not that you see many of them, because you’ve dropped off less than halfway through the programme. Speaking of which …

10. Afternoon nap – the two finest words in the lexicon.

11. You start to take a perverse pride in wearing old clothes. They’re agreeably familiar, and the tattier they get, the more comfortable they become. It’s a tremendous relief to give up shopping almost entirely. You start thinking they’ll probably see you out if you look after them carefully. And what could provide more satisfaction than being able to get into the jeans you bought when you were 35?

12. Squat on your haunches. Now stand. Just a few twinges, aren’t there? Kneel down for more than 30 seconds. Try to get up. See what I mean?

13. While watching Steve Coogan and Rob Bryden in The Trip to Italy, you hoot with laughter at Coogan’s spot-on impersonation of Neil Kinnock while your unsmiling teenage son asks: “Who’s Neil Kinnock?”

14. Pensions cease to be a subject of no interest whatever and become an overriding obsession. See also the iniquities of annuity rates, the rapacity of fund managers, the dubious ability of financial advisers. And as for George Osborne’s pension reforms in the Budget, oh, be still my beating heart: what excitement!

15. Gardening – there’s another thing that never used to be of any interest whatever. But suddenly you find yourself brooding over slug repellents, leafing through seed, bulb and David Austin rose catalogues and, yes, being genuinely grateful for a really good pair of gardening gloves at Christmas.

16. It’s not that you spend Saturday evenings in, watching all those Euro-cop shows on BBC Four, laying off the Scandinavian murder mysteries and Belgian conspiracy thrillers just long enough to relish the intrigues of Danish coalition politics; it’s that you actually think you’re rather trendy as you’re doing it.

17. You used to be reasonably hip, but now you have literally no idea at all what the number one single could possibly be. If you happen to hear it, your first reaction is to spot all the songs and artists you remember from the old days from which it (like virtually all contemporary hits) has been ripped off.

18. How can one be both shortsighted and longsighted at the same time? Reach middle-age, that’s how. Suddenly TV dinners become a nightmare as you discover that you can either see the telly, or the food on your plate. But not both, and suddenly…

19. You can hold your own in a discussion about varifocals. “Oh, do they work for you? Really? I couldn’t the hang of them at all, myself. They just made me feel woozy and walking downstairs was a nightmare of vertigo. What? You have different prescription lenses in either eye? Amazing, etc…”

^{One Direction (I think…) (GETTY IMAGES)}

20. The baby that you once held so nervously in your arms goes to school, and you add ‘nativity plays’ to the list of unexpected pleasures. Then you go to cello recitals and cheer at football games; and fight to get your children into the school you wanted; and you suffer through GCSEs and A-Levels, through fights with friends and first romances, through furious rows and slamming doors, through endless evenings spent ferrying them to parties and back. Then suddenly they’re halfway round the world, backpacking anywhere from Bolivia to Bangkok. And they’re graduating, getting jobs and somehow costing even more than they ever did before. And you simply can’t imagine how the time could have gone by so fast.

Oh, and one final thing…

21. You know you left another sign of getting old somewhere safe, just in case you needed it, but you simply can’t remember where…

Sorry, Prince William, you know you happen to be receiving outdated when...