A moment that changed me: holding the newborn baby I never thought I’d have | David Akinsanya

I never thought I would become a father. I grew up in care and as far back as I can remember I had issues with my sexuality. By the time I was in my 20s I had accepted that I was gay, even though I’d had a couple of heterosexual flings. Over the years, through my work as a mentor and as a foster carer, I met a number of youngsters whom I took care of and some of whom called me Dad. But I’d always wanted to have my own child too.

I met the mother of my child through work. I was delivering health and well-being workshops, and she wanted to talk about the possibility of fostering. We became friends: unbeknown to me pretty early on she decided that I was the ideal candidate to father her child. P was a heterosexual, professional woman in her early 30s. She had always wanted to have a child with a gay man – and someone who really wanted to be a father.

We went ahead without professional advice, gleaning what we could from the internet. For the initial few attempts I produced sperm in east London and took it over to west London. Soon we decided it was best to be in the same place. It was embarrassing to do this in someone else’s home but she blasted a TV programme while I got on with it, which helped. Then a simple syringe was used to insert the sperm.

It took only two attempts like this before we conceived. I remember exactly where I was when I got the news. I was driving, and picked up my phone on hands-free when P told me to pull over. She was pregnant. Sadly, at the 12-week scan we discovered the baby had died. This was one of the saddest days I’d had – to get this far, and for it to end so suddenly. I was comforted by friends who’d had miscarriages and I did consider that maybe it wasn’t to be. The miscarriage wasn’t straightforward, and all I could do was empathise with P. She decided she wanted to try again as soon as possible so we did, and the second attempt was successful.

After the miscarriage it was difficult to accept we were pregnant and there was a lot of worry all the way through the pregnancy. Pregnancy can be an odd thing for men to get their heads around, and it was even stranger for me as I was not in a relationship with the mother. I didn’t see her every day and it was hard for me to be emotionally supportive just through the odd phone call and weekly meet-up.

‘I’d never felt like this about anyone before – even myself.’ Photograph: David Akinsanya

We did have a minor hiccup during pregnancy where we spent a few days not talking. It was my fault: I was angry about some of the pregnancy purchases and treatments, which I thought were unnecessary and costly. P suggested counselling, so we went to eight sessions, learning how to express our concerns, how to listen to really hear each other and say what we mean.

But none of this really felt real to me until the day my son was placed on to my bare chest by his mother’s birthing partner. I was unable to be in the room during the birth as had been arranged in advance. P was supported by her friend who acted as her birthing partner and had three children of her own. Yes, I felt guilty and lots of my mates who were fathers told me how amazing it was to be present. But I am extremely squeamish and hate blood, pain and hearing people struggle. As it happened, our son was eventually delivered by caesarean section so P was in surgery while I spent my first moments with this child we had made.

It was such an emotional experience for me that I couldn’t stop crying. I was crying for the younger me who was abandoned by my parents into the care system; I was crying for every time I was rejected by foster parents as a child needing a family home; I was crying for all the young people I know who had failed because of a lack of love in their lives. Thankfully, P understood and allowed me to just sit with our little man with tears streaming down my face. These were good tears, healing tears. It felt like my brain was rewiring to allow me to love my son unconditionally.

As I sat alone with my son, this brand new little life in my arms, my life changed. That’s why I cried. I thought about whether I had loved anyone unconditionally before him and the answer was no. I’d never felt like this about anyone before – even myself. I felt an overwhelming sense that this person needed me and will love me back if I do things correctly.

I used to have a cavalier attitude to life. I’d let my career slip as I wasn’t that bothered about taking care of myself after my father died. Now I had someone to work for, someone to impress, someone to think about all the time. After all the rejection and hurt of my past, through my son I finally felt like I had a family of my own.

A moment that changed me: holding the newborn baby I never thought I’d have | David Akinsanya

The Guardian view on stunting: malnutrition is holding millions of children back

South Korean women are neither especially diminutive nor remarkably lofty. With a mean height of 162.3cm, they are 12.5cm taller than their Filipina peers, and 7.5cm shorter than Latvian women. But they stand out from the crowd for one reason: they are a full 20cm taller than their ancestors a century ago. That collective growth spurt tells us something important: that height differences often ascribed to genetics owe a huge amount to nutrition, hygiene and healthcare. South Korea’s rapid development meant women’s growth was no longer hindered as it had been. In contrast, under-nourished Filipinas are still associated with “shortness”. Even within a community, cultural factors – such as an eldest son preference in South Asia – can lead to marked differences in height outcomes.

This is not a question of mere vanity. What really matters is not how tall one can grow, but whether one fails to grow as expected. More than 160 million of the world’s under-fives are stunted. In India 39% of children are stunted and in the Democratic Republic of the Congo 70%. Though stunting is a physical measure, and is associated with the increased risk of some chronic diseases such as diabetes in future, it is also an important indicator that mental development may have been affected. Their brains are unable to make the neural connections that they should; their cognitive ability does not blossom. Malnourished children also have little energy, further diminishing their ability to learn and escape poverty. Research suggests they are less likely to be enrolled in school, and learn less when they are there.

It is obvious why this bothers the World Health Organisation. But now the World Bank’s president is threatening to name and shame countries which fail to address the problem. Jim Yong Kim, a former doctor, says that stunting is not only the outcome of the unfair distribution of resources: it drives such imbalances, too, since inequality is “baked into the brains” of a quarter of children before they reach the age of five. The problem is not only humanitarian, but economic. And it is in the interest of governments to act – even if they are looking at the narrowest possible measures of national success – because they cannot compete if large portions of their workforces are stunted. Dr Kim’s ambitious goal is to halve stunting in seven years and end it in 14. A World Bank-sponsored programme in Peru, targeting families from pregnancy onwards, slashed stunting rates by giving conditional cash transfers to mothers, allowing them – and educating them – to give their children nutritious food and stimulate them through play. Health clinics were given incentives to support them. Swift action can bring immense benefits to a generation. Bodies and brains develop fastest in the womb and in the first two years after birth; it is hard for those who fall behind to catch up later. When we talk of children growing to their full potential, we speak more literally than we realise.

The Guardian view on stunting: malnutrition is holding millions of children back

The eight Myths About Emotions That Are Holding Us Back

As a society, we do not speak much about feelings. Conversations tend to target far more on what we’re performing or what we’re considering. In reality, most folks locate it less complicated to start sentences with, “I think…” alternatively of “I feel…” simply since it feels  less awkward.

Most of us are by no means educated about feelings. As an alternative, we’re supposed to understand socially acceptable techniques to deal with feelings by viewing the individuals all around us. Individuals of us who weren’t lucky sufficient to develop up surrounded by emotionally fantastic position versions probably missed out on an crucial emotional idea or two.

There are certainly cultural distinctions when it comes to feelings. Social norms differ over what is regarded as acceptable in terms of talking about emotions and dealing with them. In truth, most languages have words for specific emotions that really do not have equivalent translations. (Popular Science not too long ago shared 21 feelings for which there are no English equivalents).

English: Basic feelings (Photograph credit: Wikipedia)

It is no wonder there is a whole lot of confusion about emotions. Here are some of the most frequent misconceptions about feelings:

one. I ought to come to feel in a different way. So typically individuals will say items like, “I know I shouldn’t be so upset more than anything so small,” or, “I actually need to be happier than I am.” There are not any rules about feelings and your emotional reaction is not wrong. Rather than waste vitality beating your self up in excess of how you feel, accept that you come to feel that distinct emotion proper now and that you have alternatives in how you react to that emotion.

two. I cannot management how I truly feel. Even though your emotions are not wrong, that does not imply you have to keep stuck in a specific mood. You can certainly choose to make modifications that will influence the way you truly feel. .

three. Venting will make me really feel greater. A widely held misconception is that if you’re not speaking to everybody about your feelings, you should be “suppressing your emotions” or “stuffing your emotions.” But analysis displays that the opposite is quite correct, at least when it comes to anger. Punching a pillow or calling absolutely everyone you know to tell them how negative your day was will only enhance your arousal and will not make you come to feel greater.

4. Attempting to management my feelings is synonymous with behaving like a robot. Occasionally people think that regulating their emotions indicates making an attempt to act as if they don’t have emotions. But, that is not the situation. A realistic see of emotions exhibits that we’re capable of experiencing a wide selection of feelings but we really don’t have to be managed by these feelings. After a hard day, deciding on to do some thing to aid you truly feel better – as opposed to staying in a negative mood – is a healthful talent.

five. Other individuals have the electrical power to make me feel certain emotions. So often, folks will say factors like, “My boss helps make me so mad,” or, “My co-employee tends to make me feel so poor about myself.” But in actuality, no one particular can make you truly feel anything. Other people may possibly influence how you come to feel, but you are the only one particular in charge of your feelings.

6. I can not deal with unpleasant emotions. When men and women doubt their potential to tolerate specific feelings, it leads to avoidance. Someone who experiences frequent bouts of anxiety may pass up options to be promoted. A person who feels uncomfortable with confrontation could avoid meeting with a co-worker to dilemma-resolve a scenario. Studying to deal with uncomfortable emotions right builds self-confidence. When you do not let your emotions to rule your conduct, you’ll learn you can handle a whole lot a lot more than you imagined.

7. Adverse emotions are negative. It is simple to categorize feelings as getting excellent or undesirable, but feelings in themselves aren’t optimistic or unfavorable. It’s what we decide on to do with these emotions that can make the big difference. Anger, for illustration, usually gets a negative rap. Although some people make horrible alternatives when they’re mad, other men and women select to use anger in a proactive method. A lot of of the world’s good adjustments wouldn’t have ever occurred if activists hadn’t gotten angry about injustices they witnessed.

eight. Showing emotion is a sign of weakness. While it’s a healthy social talent to be capable to behave professionally even when you’re not feeling at the prime of your game, letting your guard down at socially proper times isn’t a indicator of weakness. In reality, currently being mindful of your feelings and creating a aware choice to share those emotions with others – when it is socially suitable to do so- can be a sign of power.

Creating an awareness and knowing of your feelings can be complex when you are not utilized to pondering about how you feel. Just like most abilities in lifestyle, with practice you are capacity to identify, tolerate and regulate your feelings will increase. .

The eight Myths About Emotions That Are Holding Us Back

Do not fall asleep holding your little one, mother and father warned

Midwives, GPs and wellness guests should also make dad and mom mindful that the dangers are considerably greater if dad and mom drink, smoke or get medication, the advice states. Infants born prematurely or with a minimal birth fat are at an increased risk of cot death if they rest with their parents.

“Falling asleep with a infant, whether that’s in a bed or on a sofa or chair, is risky,’’ explained Prof Mark Baker, the director of clinical practice at Great. “It’s critical that all mothers and fathers and carers know about the association in between sudden infant death syndrome and falling asleep with a child underneath the age of one particular.’’

He additional: ”There is no universal agreement on the causes of sudden infant death syndrome.

”We know there is a link in between Sids and falling asleep with a infant in a bed or on a sofa or chair, but scientific studies into why this occurs can frequently give conflicting final results. And other aspects are most likely to perform a portion in escalating the risk to the infant.

”We recognise that some dad and mom may possibly decide on to share a bed with their infant simply because it could make breastfeeding less difficult, or for cultural motives. Or they may possibly be forced to co-rest because they might not have the area or money for a cot.

”This is why it really is so crucial for parents to understand what the hazards are. The suggestions we are developing aim to assist well being care specialists inform mother and father and carers of the likely hazards related with co-sleeping, according to the greatest obtainable proof.”

The Wonderful guidance has been place out for consultation until the end of the month.

Do not fall asleep holding your little one, mother and father warned

Drug organizations accused of holding back complete information on clinical trials

Clinical trial outcomes are currently being routinely withheld from medical professionals, undermining their ability to make informed selections about how to deal with individuals, an influential parliamentary committee has claimed.

MPs have expressed “excessive concern” that drug companies seem to only publish close to 50% of completed trial benefits and warned that the practice has “ramifications for the total of medication”.

Their conclusions have emerged in a public accounts committee report which examined the Division of Well beingWellness‘s decision to commit £424m on stockpiling the flu drug Tamiflu, prior to creating off £74m since of bad record keeping.

The MPs located that specialists failed to agree on how nicely Tamiflu works, but discussions were hampered because critical data was held back.

Richard Bacon, a senior member of the committee, said the practice of holding back final results was undermining the potential of doctors, researchers and patients to make informed decisions about therapies. “Regulators and the sector have created proposals to open up entry, but these do not cover the problem of accessibility to the benefits of trials in the previous which bear on the efficacy and safety of medicines in use nowadays,” he stated. “Study suggests that the probability of finished trials being published is approximately 50%. And trials which gave a favourable verdict are about twice as most likely to be published as trials offering unfavourable final results.

“This is of extreme concern to this committee. The division [of wellness] and Medicines and Healthcare goods Regulatory Agency [MHRA] have to make sure, prospectively and retrospectively, that clinical trials are registered and the complete techniques and outcomes of all trials are accessible for independent wider scrutiny by doctors and researchers.”

The committee mentioned that an NHS National Institute for Overall health Investigation review in 2010 estimated that the possibility of finished trials becoming published is approximately half. Trials with constructive final results had been about twice as probably to be published as trials with damaging outcomes.

Dr Fiona Godlee, editor-in-chief of the British Healthcare Journal, advised the MPs that the pharmaceutical business published far more positive final results than negative ones from their trials. She noted that the journal had published really clear summaries of systematic evaluations of information on individual medicines or classes of medicines the place, “when you include with each other the published and unpublished proof, you get a quite diverse picture of the good quality and effectiveness of people medication”.

A evaluation by the non-profit Cochrane Collaboration into twenty existing studies into Tamiflu discovered it “did not lessen influenza-related lower respiratory tract problems” but did induce nausea.

It is now receiving complete clinical examine reviews from manufacturer Roche, which are currently being used to full a even more review of the effectiveness of Tamiflu. The results of that must be utilised by government, the MHRA and the Nationwide Institute for Overall health and Care Excellence to evaluation the drug’s use, MPs explained.

They also referred to as on ministers to get action so that total trial final results are offered to doctors and researchers for all treatments at the moment being prescribed and carry out typical audits of how much information is getting produced available.

Bacon additional: “There is still a lack of consensus in excess of how effectively the antiviral medication Tamiflu, stockpiled for use in an influenza pandemic, in fact operates. The lack of transparency of clinical trial info on this drug to the wider investigation neighborhood is preventing appropriate discussion of this problem amongst professionals. We are disturbed by claims that regulators do not have accessibility to all the offered information.

“The situation for stockpiling antiviral medicines at the existing level is based mostly on judgment rather than on evidence of their effectiveness during an influenza pandemic. Just before investing cash in long term to sustain the stockpile, the division wants to overview what level of coverage is proper. It ought to search at the degree of stockpiling in other nations, bearing in thoughts that the patent for the medication runs out in 2016.”

An MHRA spokesman explained the entire body would function with partners in the Uk and in the EU to guarantee better transparency in the dissemination of clinical trials data.

Drug organizations accused of holding back complete information on clinical trials