A moment that changed me: lashing out at a man who opened the door for the newly thin me | Stacie Huckeba

It was July 2014, Nashville Tennessee. I was walking into a gas station for a bottle of water when the man behind me stepped up to open the door for me. With that act of kindness, something inside me snapped and I flew into a blind rage. I began screaming at him at the top of my lungs.

“No, you can not open this door for me! You wouldn’t have opened it two years ago, so you damn sure can’t open it now!” I scowled and stormed away, completely enraged.

It was the third time that week that a man had done something polite for me. First a man had bought me a drink at a concert, and then there was the nice man who had helped me scoop up my groceries after I dropped my bag, and now this man with the door.

I know all this might leave you wondering if I had had a rough week, or a fight with my boyfriend or was in a terrible mood that had prompted me to lose my temper like that. The truth is more complicated.

Two years before this, in July 2012, I weighed 365lb, which roughly translates into 26 stone. I was enormous, and had been my entire life. I grew up an obese kid, was an obese teenager, an obese young adult, and by my mid-40s I had ballooned into a hugely obese adult.

But that summer I started a massive journey to lose 220lb, or almost 16 stone, over the course of four and a half years. As I sit here today, I’m literally a third of the body mass I used to be. I am an average-sized woman who wears a size medium pretty much across the board. And, I am happy to report, I am also a fairly happy, confident person.

But that day I had just begun experimenting with regular-sized clothes, and I was not confident. I was uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable with the attention my new body was receiving, I was uncomfortable about new social circles, and I was uncomfortable with the unexpected boost to my career.

I was uncomfortable but I didn’t know why. Everything seemed to be going so well. I should have been happy, but I wasn’t. And it wasn’t until I saw that man’s hand reach for the handle of that door that I knew why – and it pissed me off.

The idea that the size of my trousers had had anything to do with simple politeness was heartbreaking to me

I had been disregarded, overlooked and ignored because of my size for so long that I didn’t even realise it until people started being nice to me – until, in other words, I was “normal sized”. No one had ever done those things for me before.

He opened that door for me because I wasn’t physically offensive to him, and I knew. And it was in that moment that I realised how terrible we are as a society to people, based solely on their appearance. This realisation broke me. It broke me in a way that I’ve never been broken before. He certainly didn’t deserve my outburst, but in that moment I couldn’t help myself.

The idea that the size of my trousers had had anything to do with simple politeness was heartbreaking to me. Never mind men actually asking me on dates, career advances, better opportunities and much cheaper clothes (big girls get done over by the fashion world).

In every pair of trousers I have ever owned, I have been the exact same person; with the same thoughts, abilities, talents, intellect and heart. I didn’t just magically become smart, funny, talented and pretty when I could buy smaller jeans. I’ve been in here the whole time. But very few took the time to see me.

And when that realisation came, I grieved for the child, teenager and woman I had been and all she had been deprived of. I grieved for what experiencing that would do to my current self. And I grieved for all of the people who may have missed her along the way because they were too blind to see her. In that moment of grief, I lashed out at a perfectly polite stranger.

That moment changed every single thing about me. It has now become my life’s mission to help people realise their true beauty and strength; right now, in the body they occupy, this second. I’m a photographer and video producer, and it completely changed the way I shoot my clients, as well as prompting me to launch a second career, writing and speaking publicly, so that hopefully I can change the way we all perceive beauty.

I love my ass the size it is now. I love the way I look and feel, and the freedom it gives me. I can breathe. I actually love taking exercise. I love that my feet don’t ache and my back doesn’t crack. My boobs look like two baseballs in sacks but, whatever – they look great in lingerie and I can actually buy it now.

But the thing is, I was amazing before I lost the weight too. That girl had the strength to become this woman. That girl had the courage to leave home at 16 years old in search of a new life. She had the passion to pursue a career in the arts and actually succeed. And she had a big enough heart to not notice that people were mean to her along the way.

People are my business, and I’ve learned a lot about them over the years. I’ve learned that I’ve never met one that wasn’t stunning. No matter what they looked like or what they weighed. I’ve never seen a face or body that I couldn’t find beauty in or a person who didn’t possess compassion, humour and love.

Honestly, people are amazing. You just have to really see them.

A moment that changed me: lashing out at a man who opened the door for the newly thin me | Stacie Huckeba

Put scores on the door to improve food hygiene | Letters

Your informative piece (One in seven takeaways fail hygiene tests, 24 September) mentions that the Food Standards Agency ranks all food providers with a score of zero to five. In Wales, all food businesses are legally required to display their score in a prominent place in all entrances so that potential customers are aware of it and can make an informed decision on whether to enter.

There is no such statutory requirement in England and it is left to the discretion of individual food business operators. In the light of the appalling hygiene standards in many food premises in England, revealed in your article, perhaps it is time for ministers to follow the good practice in Wales and make it mandatory for food businesses to display their scores on the door.
Mike Pender
Cardiff

• The hygiene rating of takeaways is based on an FSA standard. The actual inspections are in the hands of each local authority. The best and worst areas listed might reflect not much more than the quality and frequency of inspections, likely significant variables given the pressure on local government finance.
John Kernaghan
Hove, East Sussex

• Join the debate – email guardian.letters@theguardian.com

Put scores on the door to improve food hygiene | Letters

When VCs Stroll By way of The Door Customer Service Flies Out Of The Window

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Is this a harsh factor to say, or is there a semblance of truth in it? Or even worse, is this the norm? Many firms declare in their mission statements or advertising materials that their consumers are at the heart of their ethos and operations. Even so in nowadays&rsquos planet with organization [...]

When VCs Stroll By way of The Door Customer Service Flies Out Of The Window

Judge permits police to break down woman"s door for enforced caesarean

On his head have been lesions triggered by the barbecue tongs employed by DD’s spouse to provide him.

The court heard that DD, who is in her mid-thirties, suffers from autistic spectrum disorder and borderline learning troubles. She lives with her spouse, who has much more severe finding out troubles than she does.

Right after previous pregnancies, DD had suffered seizures, haemorrhaging – and even a stroke – while giving birth.

All 5 children had been taken into care and 4 of them had been adopted.

After hearing that she is pregnant yet yet again, Mr Justice Cobb opened the way for the intervention by medics and police.

The judge authorised ‘forced entry’ into DD’s residence and restraint and sedation if required to maintain her in hospital for the birth.

The senior loved ones judge explained DD’s ‘undoubtedly unwise’ previous behaviour uncovered she was unable to make rational choices for herself.

He ruled that her ‘best interests’ – and individuals of her unborn child – lay in her undergoing a hospital caesarean whether she liked it or not.

Recognising that his purchase impacted on DD’s “most treasured and valued human rights” – which includes her correct to liberty – the judge ordered that all reasonable methods be taken to minimise her distress and “maintain her dignity”.

DD had a “truly tragic and complex obstetric history” and medics had been deeply concerned that one more birth would place her personal daily life at threat.

She had rejected any medical support and was adamant that ‘she must be left alone’.

One specialist had described her as “delusional”, with “abnormally fixated beliefs”.

The court was informed that she believed that a well-acknowledged actor was her father and that a celebrated opera singer was her mother, regardless of getting older than her.

She had failed to flip up for a series of ante-natal appointments and, regardless of 25 attempts by social workers to visit her at house in just 3 months, she had “not answered the door”.

On a single occasion, her companion responded to the knocking by shouting by means of the letterbox that DD was “not pregnant”. The expectant mum could be heard shouting in the background, stated the judge.

DD’s resistance to any type of professional aid had left the “very large quantity of professionals” involved in the case in a dilemma.

They sought the judge’s guidance, fearing that any interference with the woman’s autonomy or “deprivation of liberty” would be unlawful.

Mr Justice Cobb ruled that the girl obviously did not have the legal capability to make wise decisions for herself.

The judge ruled: “While offering due excess weight to her wishes and her basic rights, and individuals of her spouse, I have nevertheless come to the clear conclusion that it would be in her greatest interests that she need to be delivered of her baby by caesarean segment.”

Her first two births have been by caesarean and, following a concealed pregnancy, she had her third child at home with only her spouse to assist her.

The judge explained the kid was found cradled in her arms when five to 10 days previous. He appeared to have been fed on cup-a-soup and had marks on his head believed to have been left by barbecue tongs.

Her fourth little one was born following she was “discovered at house in the latter phases of a concealed pregnancy”. Her spouse had not referred to as the emergency services but she had to be admitted to intensive care to handle her fitting.

She suffered haemorrhaging and a stroke during the delivery, but swiftly discharged herself from hospital.

Her fifth child came after one more concealed pregnancy last year and was born at home without having any healthcare help. She refused point blank to accept any involvement with wellness service experts or any post-natal examination.

Social staff saw her trying to breast feed the little one in her “dirty” house, which was devoid of child outfits, blankets, bottles, nappies or something else suggestive of planning for a birth.

Earlier this 12 months, in execution of a warrant, the woman was forcibly removed from her property and taken to a psychiatric hospital for assessment.

While there, examination uncovered that she was 5 and a half months pregnant.

Judge permits police to break down woman"s door for enforced caesarean