My patient ended her life at Dignitas to avoid a slow, undignified death

Some years ago, while working as a district nurse at a GP practice, one of the receptionists came to tell me she had just taken a phone call from the son of a patient to say he had returned from the Dignitas clinic in Switzerland. His mother, who had recently been diagnosed with a neurological condition that would kill her slowly, and with loss of dignity and independence, had taken her life there.

The reception staff were shocked. I was shocked. My team was shocked. I was dismayed that this lady, who I had known for a number of years, had to go to another country to receive the care she wanted and to die earlier than she should have.

The following day her GP asked me what Lily* had been up to over the past few days. You can tell from this perhaps that Lily was a lady who made demands on the surgery team. The GP was upset when I told her what had happened, and contacted Lily’s son.

I had known this lady for a number of years and looked after her husband when he returned from hospital after surgery. Lily would turn up at the surgery immaculately dressed and would not leave until she obtained what she thought would help him. I would sometimes receive a phone call from the surgery asking me to come back from my house calls to see her. I was not the only person at the surgery with whom she could be quite insistent. Yet even as she frustrated us all, I found it noble the way she fought for what she thought was best for her husband.

After he died I saw her only occasionally. A few years later her health deterioriated and I became involved in her care. Occasionally I found it frustrating when, in the middle of a clinic or housecall, I would be contacted to say Lily wanted to see or speak to me. Many a day on my way home I would have to call into her house to reassure her or deal with a problem.

After her diagnosis she was matter of fact as we discussed plans for her care and how to deal with her condition. She was living on her own and had no intention of “burdening” her children. Despite the fact that she could be difficult, I found her likeable with a very dry sense of humour and fun.

I found out later that before she died she had bought a new outfit to travel in, and been to a favourite view she and her husband used to visit and to a favourite restaurant.

The point of telling this story is that I gained great insight into the courage and tenacity it takes to go to Dignitas and that there should be a way of assisting someone who is of firm mind to take their own life in these circumstances. Perhaps if she had felt she would have had control of the situation in this country Lily would not have found it necessary to take her own life at all; certainly she would have had a longer life. I feel privileged to have known a very brave woman, even if she could drive me to distraction.

• Name has been changed

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My patient ended her life at Dignitas to avoid a slow, undignified death

Andrew Lloyd Webber: "I went by way of a second of deep depression - I in fact got the kinds for Dignitas"

The fulfilment of Jean Lloyd Webber’s fiercest want, that her kids should attain all the good results of which they had been capable, is reflected in her older son’s domain. We meet in his London house, a palatial residence in which a modern day elevator whisks guests between floors of huge rooms adorned with very good furnishings and fine art.

Lord Lloyd-Webber (he acquired a hyphen with his peerage) owns a London theatre empire, a cellar of vintage Burgundy, a nation mansion and a assortment of Victorian art so magnificent that he strategies to endow a gallery to house it right after his death. And but, at 66, he combines an unaffected method with the insatiable appetite for work instilled in him by his mother. Jean Lloyd Webber, far from searching for luxury, lived a daily life of Spartan thrift. Until her last days, she would cycle or stroll to give her music lessons and furnished her flat with the barest necessities, refusing all offers to support from her older son.

“When I very first manufactured some income out of Jesus Christ Superstar, I inspected her fridge and stated: ‘Mum, this issue ought to be condemned. I’d like to purchase you a new a single.’ She wouldn’t even accept that.” Careless of material comforts, she had “an enormous work ethic. She at first wished me to be a performer like my brother, but anyone who heard my French horn practice realised that was not to be my destiny.”

When Andrew expressed an curiosity in history and architecture instead, she supported him to the extent of decreeing – to the dismay of her husband William, director of the London School of Music – that household trips have to be geared to her older son’s new passion. “We spent one vacation staying by a steelworks due to the fact I had explained I wanted to pay a visit to [the nearby] Margam Abbey.”

The close Lloyd Webber household was shaken when Andrew’s father died, unexpectedly, at 67. Soon afterwards, Jean Lloyd Webber, grief-stricken by her reduction, developed breast cancer. “My mom was a fighter, but she did not feel in traditional medication. She became far more and more ill, refusing any remedy, at a time when I essential her a lot.” Her decline coincided with the breakdown of his marriage to the singer, Sarah Brightman, and the start off of his relationship with his wife, Madeleine.

At first Jean was resistant to her future daughter-in-law, an completed horsewoman, believing her, mistakenly, to be in favour of the bloodsports she abhorred. “On one particular event she turned up for lunch with close friends carrying anti-hunting placards. But she came to adore and adore Madeleine, and she was a wonderful assistance to both of us.

“Still she stored saying that she couldn’t carry on any much more due to the fact she was a burden on us. We advised her she was anything at all but she was the rock from which we could go forward. Then she said she did not want to be a burden on Julian who, like John Lill [the concert pianist, whom she taken care of as an adopted family members member], lived in the exact same block of flats as she did.

“I was away, doing work round the world. I couldn’t be with her all the time. And frankly, in the state she was in, I fear that a couple of medical professionals would have concluded that, if she wished to destroy herself, they would agree.”

Her conviction that she would be a roadblock to her sons’ fantastic talents, ebbed only following she – a stranger to the planet of musicals – began to understand how she was a helpmate, not a hindrance, in a collaborative business. And so, in the final phase of her life, she grew closer to her older child than they had ever been. When death ultimately came, Andrew was operating in Los Angeles. She, the selfless promoter of her children’s successes, would have wished it no other way.

Long right after her tiny funeral was over, mortality continued to stalk her son’s existence. The themes of adore and death, which run like a fugue through the functions of Andrew Lloyd Webber, were soon to turn out to be individual. After a schedule blood check, he discovered that he had prostate cancer. “It was the most virulent kind, but I was quite fortunate. I didn’t consider I was going to die – just that I should have the wretched [cancer] removed so that I could get on with my occupation.”

Close to two years in the past, with his cancer cured, he began to suffer from a ache in one leg. A method to ease his discomfort and a subsequent back operation led to a sequence of interventions in which he had 14 procedures below general anaesthetic. By last summertime, Andrew Lloyd Webber – who had so a lot in common with his mom – identified that he also shared her wish to die.

“There have been days when I believed that I would do something to get out of this. I adore my perform, and I imagined that if I could not do that, then I had nothing more. I went through a moment of deep depression – that awful moment when you consider that you must find a way out. I truly got the forms for Dignitas. With hindsight, it was stupid and ridiculous, but I couldn’t feel what to do.

“I received through the demonstrate I was doing work on, but it was murder. I was on every type of painkiller there is… I couldn’t think what to do. In the finish, I threw away the kinds.” His journey back from despair was assisted by a chiropractor who alleviated his signs and symptoms. Nevertheless he says that his back condition indicates that “a sword of Damocles hangs more than me… and I can understand what serious pain means”.

Possessing watched his mom navigate the divide in between fulfilment and a daily life that has become intolerable, Lord Lloyd-Webber walked that lonely pathway for himself. These experiences have rendered him one particular of the most thoughtful critics of Lord Falconer’s Bill, the initial try to legalise assisted dying for the terminally ill given that 2006.

He will not communicate in today’s debate, but he will listen to the arguments innovative with respect and some humility. Unlike the strident advocates on each sides, Lord Lloyd-Webber – who has stared at death a lot more closely than most – nevertheless wrestles with a single of the best questions of the age.

“If individuals get to a point where their lives are so impossible, I would agree with the Bill. What concerns me, and I suspect many other individuals, is what floodgates would [this measure] open? Does it generate a culture in which older people are a burden? In 20 years’ time, signing off on the deaths of outdated folks may well not be taken as seriously as it is now. I am entirely uncertain.”

That admission must not recommend any weakness. The doubt that he is trustworthy adequate to countenance is mirrored in the health-related occupation, the place views differ, and in a Church riven by schism. Even though Justin Welby, the Archbishop of Canterbury has come out towards the measure, his predecessor Lord Carey supports the Bill, persuaded by “the actuality of needless suffering”.

Meanwhile Archbishop Desmond Tutu, 1 of the biggest churchmen in the globe, has asserted that he sees no sanctity in struggling. Lord Lloyd-Webber, who has watched a youthful acquaintance dying of motor-neurone ailment, does not dissent from the argument that it could be a lot more compassionate to allow some individuals to die. “I wonder if the principle of the Bill is not a excellent a single but that it requirements an amendment [to target on whether or not] people are on mechanical daily life assistance or in such intense discomfort that absolutely nothing can be accomplished.”

For many reasons, Lord Lloyd-Webber has studied the issues of daily life and death with forensic precision – not just because of the struggling he has witnessed and endured but because a wealthy man’s legacy demands considerably forethought.

His fortune will not go to his 5 children for, like his mother, he expects the next generation to make their personal way. Instead the beneficiary will be his Arts Foundation, whose operate consists of teaching music to state college youngsters who may possibly otherwise miss the chance to fulfil their dreams. Individuals plans in area, he has no intention of lessening his personal workload. With his musical Cats due back in London and a present to open on Broadway subsequent year, his life seems as settled as it has ever been.

Today, however, he will focus on the lives and on the deaths of others. A pragmatist, he is grateful to Lord Falconer for bringing a Bill which will allow a significantly-needed debate. As he says regularly, if the arguments in favour prove sufficiently compelling, then he reserves the right to modify his thoughts.

This kind of a alter of heart does not seem to be probably. As he says: “The danger for me lies in a situation like my mother’s.” When the claims and counter-claims are aired right now, one memory will lodge in his mind. The picture he can not shift is that of an elderly instructor particular that she is dying, but established to impart the present of music that will live on prolonged following she is gone.

Andrew Lloyd Webber: "I went by way of a second of deep depression - I in fact got the kinds for Dignitas"

I can"t adapt to modern day instances, explained instructor who ended lifestyle at Dignitas

She told doctors at the Swiss clinic that “my lack of strength and power and declining well being is a lifestyle with no enviable future” and said she feared her existence “full of adventures and remarkable independence” would end in a nursing house.

Anne explained that she had turn out to be annoyed with the trappings of modern existence, like fast meals, consumerism and the sum of time individuals commit viewing television.

Just before her death final month she told The Sunday Instances: “People are getting to be more and a lot more remote  … We are turning out to be robots. It is this lack of humanity.”

She additional: “I find myself swimming against the existing, and you can not do that. If you can’t join them, get off.”

She described the modern day age as “cutting corners” and said she could not adapt to it, as she felt all the standard ways of undertaking items had disappeared. “They say ‘adapt or die’,” she explained, days prior to taking a lethal dose of barbiturates. “At my age, I truly feel that I can’t adapt, due to the fact the new age is not an age that I grew up to recognize.

“I see everything as cutting corners. All the outdated-fashioned ways of doing items have gone.”

She was accompanied to the Zurich clinic by her niece Linda, 54, who was by her side when she died. Her niece mentioned: “Unless you die in your rest, beside the person you really like, or in their arms, I can’t believe of a greater death.”

She said both she and her aunt supported calls to make assisted suicide legal in Britain.

Assisted suicide is illegal in the Uk, but the Crown Prosecution Service has repeatedly ruled that it would not be in the public interest to prosecute personal situations, and about 200 Britons have ended their lives at Dignitas considering that it was founded in 1998.

The Government has agreed to a cost-free vote in Parliament on regardless of whether to alter the law. The Assisted Dying Bill, put forward by Lord Falconer, the former lord chancellor, proposes shifting legislation so that two medical doctors could prescribe a lethal dose of drugs to someone who has fewer than six months to reside.

This would not have utilized in the case of Anne, but has reignited the debate about assisted dying.

Dr Peter Saunders, of the Christian Health-related Fellowship, explained that the case raised worries that any this kind of law could finish up getting extended, so that it did not just cover the terminally unwell.

He mentioned: “Desperate individuals will push the boundaries, and as a outcome legal protection for vulnerable folks will be weakened.”

Michael Irwin, a retired medical doctor who helped Anne with her application to Dignitas, stated that her major regret was that she had to travel abroad to end her existence.

I can"t adapt to modern day instances, explained instructor who ended lifestyle at Dignitas