Emily wanted to die when her son was taken. Nurses gave her a future

“If my children were ever taken off me, I wouldn’t survive the day,” was my sister’s emotive, yet understandable, comment when we were discussing the impact losing your children could have on your mental health. It made me think of a woman I had worked with, Emily.

Emily had her son taken off her after she had attempted to kill herself. The boy, Jacob, was pre-school, and the decision by social services was made in her best interests. Emily had been in an abusive relationship and was struggling to cope. She had serious mental health problems as well as a history of childhood abuse, so coping was not something she was good at. She had always refused to engage with mental health services for fear that it would result in Jacob being taken away. The tragedy is that engaging with services was probably the only thing that would have kept their family together.

After further attempts to take her own life, Emily was detained under the Mental Health Act and admitted to the mental health ward where I worked. At this point, Jacob had been taken away by social services. Emily was told Jacob would be adopted; she could have phone contact until then and one final visit to say goodbye.

Initially she could not accept this and just wanted to die. It was one of the hardest cases I have experienced. She was right – what did she have to live for now she had lost Jacob? How could she continue feeling this pain and despair for life? As a team – nurses, doctors, occupational therapists and psychologists – we worked tirelessly with her to instil some sense of a future. Jacob was going to grow up loved, in a safe and secure environment unlike anything Emily had ever experienced. Her son had a positive future and she could take some comfort in that.

We focused on preparing Emily for her last contact with her son. She made her own plans about what she wanted for the two of them, and we supported her to achieve it. Emily was brave and made sure she could hold it together until Jacob had left, and then her world came crashing down.

Part of the preparation included talking to Emily about her suicidal thoughts and talking to her about what we could do to minimise the risk. We kept her safe while she grieved the loss of her daughter. We then worked with her to create the positive future she wanted for herself. This started with her keeping herself safe on the ward, one day at a time. We then looked at a longer term placement where she could get the intensive psychotherapy she needed to manage her mental health issues, heal from the hurt of the past and come to terms with losing Jacob.

Every day mental health nurses help people like Emily, who feel they have nothing to live for. Every day mental health nurses save lives. According to a report by the Mental Health Taskforce Strategy (2016) more than 14,000 people who have killed themselves between 2003 and 2013 had been in contact with mental health services; this is only just over a quarter of all suicides in that time. The same report acknowledges that suicide rates for mental health inpatients are declining, but sadly it is only the people we don’t manage to save that make the headlines. I am glad that we were able to help Emily and she hasn’t become another statistic.

Names and some details have been changed

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Emily wanted to die when her son was taken. Nurses gave her a future