As a student, I used to have a ritual. I would wake up and immediately jump up and down 100 times. Then I would start work at 9.21am precisely. I would eat dinner at 5pm on the dot, and I’d finish work at 10pm. Before going to bed, I would touch wood five times. Whenever the cycle was broken, I would break down.
I would tell myself that this was normal, that this was how you make a success of yourself. I wouldn’t be doing my academic work any justice if I wasn’t constantly on the verge of a breakdown, right?
My OCD routine was damaging. I didn’t feel I could seek help because my problems seemed so trivial compared to others’.
It is often said that when it comes to mental health, ignoring your problem – if it is even recognised in the first place – is not the solution. But dealing with it alone isn’t either, since certain neuroses will intensify in solitude. Mine certainly did. I never ate with people, and in a way it helped to lower my anxiety levels in the short term. I was “managing”.
But over time I became more and more anxious, until one day I had a panic attack while walking to university. I didn’t want to face this alone anymore; I had to be brave and get help without feeling I was merely attention-seeking.
But going to the doctors didn’t help much. It was an impersonal experience, where I was told to fill out forms on how to “rate” my level of anxiety. I knew full well that I’d been suffering from OCD, a borderline eating disorder and depression for around four years. I was at breaking point, I was suicidal, I couldn’t face the day anymore without becoming overwhelmed with emotion.
That is where the role of university counselling comes in, or at least it should have. The value of speaking to someone external about your problems is often overlooked – but I wasn’t even aware of this service as an undergraduate student.
The large number of students on campus can make it difficult for individuals to form their own support networks, to fit in and to feel like they are part of a wider whole. The prevalence of mental illness in students will likely become worse without adequate funding for support. A new report that came out today recommends that some universities increase their spending in this area threefold.
There needs to be a more open and inclusive dialogue on campus about mental health, and where students can get support – whether that is through formal counselling services or peer-support networks. This would work to break down the stigma I found myself trapped by when I was at my lowest ebb.
Support should not come as the last resort when students are at breaking point. Problems need to be tackled as early as possible, no matter how small the students – or their peers – believe them to be.
Only 13% of the NHS budget is currently committed to mental health services, despite the fact that mental ill-health accounts for 28% of the total burden of disease. The problem in many universities across the UK is the same: the underfunding of support services doesn’t accurately reflect today’s reality. We need to debate this openly, and more often so that students don’t suffer in silence like I did.
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Mental health at university: "Students shouldn"t have to suffer like I did"
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