PMQs sketch: Dave and Ed play the numbers game

What the voter was supposed to make of it, I really do not know. The NHS is this kind of a vast and complex institution that to say it has declined or enhanced, based mostly on a handful of carefully selected statistics, is absurd. The only affordable conclusion, at least from viewing this exchange, would be that the NHS was better and worse underneath Labour, and is worse and greater under the Coalition.

“Mr Speaker! Official figures from the Met Office demonstrate that on Saturday it rained. Nevertheless on the identical Saturday in June 2006, below the last Government, it was sunny. Can the Prime Minister describe why Saturdays in June have become wetter on his view?”

“Mr Speaker, the proper honourable gentleman talks about the climate final Saturday simply because he does not want to talk about the climate final Thursday. The fact is that last Thursday was two degrees Celsius hotter than the identical Thursday in 2009 – when he was Vitality Secretary!”

“Mr Speaker, once again he can’t even answer a easy query. Allow me try out him on rainbows. Research by the University of Madeupname exhibits that, since he took office, the quantity of challenging-operating British families discovering pots of gold at the ends of rainbows has been an astonishing zero per cent. Can he tell the Home why he and his Cabinet of millionaires are so out of touch with the aspirations of ordinary men and women?”

“Mr Speaker, his paymasters at the Unite union may possibly have advised him to inquire about rainbows, but the British people know that our extended-phrase meteorological strategy is working. Barbecues, up! Wet weekends, down! Sun tans, 5.6 per cent longer-lasting! 7 thousand much more deckchairs, 12,000 more seaside balls, and more twin-cone mint chocolate ice creams with a flake than at any time below 13 many years of his government! That’s why the Labour celebration can in no way be trusted with the British climate again!”

Spirited although Mr Cameron’s defence could be of his NHS record, some of his boasting was dubious. Under this Government, he crowed, “There are 7,000 more physicians!” Yet to train as a GP will take 10 many years. Unless Mr Cameron and his present Cabinet invested the period 2000-04 going round secondary colleges and urging pupils to examine medicine, it appears rather a stretch for him to claim credit score for it.

PMQs sketch: Dave and Ed play the numbers game

Sketch: Caring, sharing Jeremy Hunt

Jeremy Hunt is improving fast. As I may potentially have described, in no more than 13 or 14 prior sketches, the Wellness Secretary usually seems and sounds like a children’s Tv presenter “doing the birthdays”. The boyish grin, the perky voice, the cheeky quiff, the camply waving arms. Such a pity, both close friends and foes have reflected, that he missed his vocation.

But – as could be seen at Health Questions right now – Mr Hunt has been doing work hard on his picture. The quiff is cropped brief. The grin is below handle. The hands are clamped firmly to the dispatch box. And the voice, as soon as as chirpy as a Teletubby’s, is now pillow-soft with pathos. No longer, in brief, does Mr Hunt sound like a children’s Tv presenter “doing the birthdays”.

Patient: “It’s extremely type of you to pay a visit to, Mr Hunt, but I’m actually feeling rather exhausted, so if you do not mind, I’d very like to…”

Secretary of State: “What’s that, Mr Snufflekins? The nice lady would like us to cheer her up? She wants us to cheer her up by placing on a unique demonstrate for her? A particular present with all your animal puppet buddies? With tons of singing and video games and magic tricks and stories? Oh, Mr Snufflekins, what a superb concept! What a pretty hedgehog you are! Come on, everybody! We’re placing on a particular show for the good lady, Proper NOW!”

[Secretary of State empties ministerial red box on to patient’s bed. Out tumbles menagerie of animal hand puppets, toys and brightly coloured props, including a small plastic trumpet.]

At Well being Concerns, Mr Snufflekins the Hedgehog was sadly not in attendance (although we did at least get to hear from the Care Minister, Norman the Lamb). The principal topics of debate had been the sale of health care information to the insurance coverage industry, as unveiled by the Telegraph, and the delayed NHS database, “Care.data”. Andy Burnham, Labour’s spokesman, ranted in his normal manner. “Shambles… useless… masterclass in incompetence…”

Mr Hunt shook his head pityingly. “The Shadow Secretary of State,” he replied, “searches for NHS crises with about the good results of George Bush looking for weapons of mass destruction!”

Personally I doubt a lot of children would get a reference as old as that. If I have been Mr Hunt I’d probably stick with the hand puppets.

Sketch: Caring, sharing Jeremy Hunt

Sketch: Put that in your exhaust pipe and smoke it

None the significantly less, thanks to an amendment to the Kids and Families Bill, this was the concern that MPs had to vote on. Earlier nowadays David Cameron made clear his support for the ban. Then once more, the Prime Minister himself wasn’t in the Residence to vote, because he was occupied going to flooded areas of south west England. Or, to put it more shortly, south west England.

Inside Mr Cameron’s own celebration, nonetheless, there was discord. To some Tory MPs taking component in this evening’s debate, the situation was about civil liberty, freedom, defying the nanny state. Ban smoking in vehicles? Outrageous! An Englishman’s vehicle was his castle. This was an imposition as well far. The time had come to stand up and defend the inalienable appropriate of each Englishman, going back centuries, to pump his offspring with toxic smoke inside a motor automobile.

Major the charge of the Marlboro Light brigade was Philip Davies (Con, Shipley), who has extended denounced the ban as “intrusive and insulting”. (Mr Davies does not say this due to the fact he himself smokes on the contrary, he says he has in no way smoked, and “in reality, I do not appreciate going into smoky places”. Very good issue he isn’t a child.)

Other Tories mentioned the ban would be not possible to enforce. Angela Watkinson (Hornchurch &amp Upminster) asked no matter whether we would see particular “Smoking Police weaving in and out of the traffic, searching into automobile windows”. Jane Ellison, a junior overall health minister, rather lamely replied that this kind of details could be talked about yet another day.

Nevertheless, it was a fair question. How have been the police to catch miscreants? Would officers be educated to recognise that the automobile that has just shot previous them contained a) kids and b) cigarette smoke? (“’Ere, sarge. That bloke in the sky-blue Peugeot. He’s performing 60 a day in a developed-up spot.”)

Tim Loughton (Con, East Worthing &amp Shoreham) asked regardless of whether pregnant girls could be arrested for smoking, due to the fact their young children “are in an even much more enclosed space”. An irate David Winnick (Lab, Walsall North) believed Mr Loughton was currently being facetious. “It’s straightforward for opponents to make a mockery of this!” he barked. Yes, they thought so also.

Labour, although, are determined to push the ban through, and they are expected to get their way. Which signifies that, from now on, you won’t be permitted to smoke in the automobile even though your youngsters are in it.

The small brutes will merely have to get out and stroll.

Sketch: Put that in your exhaust pipe and smoke it