Any centre of any city on any Friday or Saturday night always has the same vibe. It is as if there has been a fire at the prick factory and everyone has escaped. I always try to stay away. If I have a standup gig in central London, I leave immediately after the show and get back to my safe bed as soon as I possibly can. Alcohol brings out the worst in some people – and no one has ever drunkenly told me something I really needed to hear.
This happened on a Saturday. I had rushed out of a gig and got the tube to Kennington, where I was waiting for my bus. I’d forgotten my headphones – I never forget my headphones – so I was hyper-aware of all the drunk people walking the streets, getting on the tube, going into London to seek shelter in nightclubs where the music, fortunately, is so loud that no one can hear them speak, which means they never have to develop personalities.
I saw four young men approach the bus stop. I was not surprised when they spoke – I expected it. “Oi you fat cunt!” one of them said. “Oink oink,” said another. The rest is a blur because I focused on whatever was on my phone. It hurt, of course. As it would have hurt anyone.
I cannot say it clearly enough: this happens on a daily basis to hundreds of thousands of fat people everywhere
Not having any idea what to do, I put it on Facebook. I shared it with my friends and followers. I just needed to do with that experience what I usually do when I do standup – take ownership of it and express myself. It felt a bit better.
I woke up the next day to my post having been shared thousands of times. It was even in newspapers and on blogs. “Danish Comedian Sofie Hagen says: They Shouted Abuse At Me” and “Men Shout At Danish Comedian – What Happens Next Will Shock You” and other such clickbaity headlines. People had commented underneath the post, things such as, “I am really sorry that happened to you,” and “Those guys were massive pricks.”
It stopped hurting. The hurt immediately disappeared. And all I was left with was anger.
I cannot say it clearly enough: this is not a once-in-a-lifetime thing. This happens on a daily basis to hundreds of thousands of fat people everywhere. This will happen today, at this very moment, to a 14-year-old girl who is yet to realise that her body’s worth is not dependent on what the media tells her about it. It is happening to children. It will happen again. Maybe tonight when I am walking home from a gig, even though it is Monday and I’m nowhere near the centre of a city.
This will happen online – some people will even be inclined to write it under this very article. People will tell me to stop promoting obesity. People will tell me to just lose weight. People on Twitter will tweet at me without having read the article and pretend that they are merely worried about my health. Some will even tell me I am making it up. Some fat people will say they have never experienced anything like that.
This will happen on TV, in movies and in radio. As I am writing this, my fat friend told me that last week she was hit in the head with a kebab – and yes, that is a really funny sentence – I am but human, and “kebab” is a funny word and that is a funny image. It is, however, also normal and unforgivable.
It has always happened and it will continue to happen. But now it’s different. I no longer feel good when people pity or comfort me afterwards. I do not need people’s kind words. I need their fury. I need them to be angry with me. I need them to act.
I need everyone to realise the repercussions of making “fat” mean lazy, stupid, unattractive and unhealthy. Fat is not necessarily unhealthy and skinny is not necessarily healthy. I need people to stop saying “You are not fat, you are beautiful,” as though they are mutually exclusive. I need people to feel angry – not at these four idiots at Kennington station – but at the society that created them. I need people to demand change. Tweet companies who use fatphobia to promote their products, email TV shows portraying fat women as sexless and evil or motherly and goofy. Call out your friends, family and teachers.
If not, that is OK. But then keep your pity to yourself. I am a healthy, beautiful, intelligent, active and creative fat woman. I am doing what I love for a living. I have friends and family who love me. I am good. I am no longer sad. Now I am just angry, and I wish you were too.
• Sofie Hagel is on tour and will be performing Shimmer Shammer at the Soho Theatre in London, 5-17 December
A moment that changed me: being abused on the street about my weight | Sofie Hagen
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