I’ve been having an affair for 10 years – what will I do when it ends?

I’ve been having sex regularly with a married man for about 10 years. The sex is amazing, which is why we’ve continued for so long. We are intellectually matched and get on very well, but neither of us want the relationship to be anything more than it is. I feel lucky to have what I have with him. I am independent and very happy not to be in a “normal” relationship. I work overseas a lot and having him to satisfy me when I am back is perfect. I am very content with all aspects of my life.

However, I know that the relationship will come to a natural conclusion at some point. As that time gets closer (we don’t have a fixed date, but we are not getting any younger), I wonder how I will feel. Yes, I will be immensely sad to have lost a special, intimate relationship but I am not sure if I will suddenly want to share my life with someone full-time. If I do, how will I go about finding that next someone? I will have such high expectations that I wonder if I will ever find another man who can make me feel satisfied – both sexually and emotionally. I don’t want what I have to stop, but I know that is not possible. There must be others, both the single lover and the married one, who have had a similar experience.

• When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.

• If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.

• All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email: private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).

I’ve been having an affair for 10 years – what will I do when it ends?

FDA Ends Olmesartan Safety Review, But...

The FDA announced on Tuesday that it had completed its safety assessment of the antihypertensive drug olmesartan (sold as Benicar and other names). The investigation was initiated in 2010 when final results from the ROADMAP trial showed that individuals with type two diabetes taking olmesartan had an enhanced threat of cardiovascular death.

Now the FDA says that it “has found no clear proof of enhanced cardiovascular hazards associated” with olmesartan in diabetic sufferers. The FDA stated that it would not adjust the recommendations for the use of olmesartan but it will consist of new information about the drug in the drug’s label.

A cautious reading of the FDA announcement, even so, suggests that although the agency did not uncover clear evidence of increased cardiovascular chance it also did not find clear proof of safety. Only 1 study examined by the FDA focused on the “subgroup of interest, i.e., diabetic patients taking substantial-dose olmesartan,” and it did not offer any reassurance. Here is the FDA’s description of the review:

A massive (a lot more than 300,000 patient-many years) observational review of Medicare individuals 65 many years and older examined the price of death in individuals taking olmesartan in contrast to other ARBs. In a chosen group of diabetic patients―patients who received only the highest dose of olmesartan (forty mg every day) for longer than six months―olmesartan was related with an increased threat of death (HR 2., 95% confidence interval: 1.one to 3.8) compared to related sufferers taking other angiotensin receptor blockers. In contrast, the identical evaluation in non-diabetic individuals located that substantial-dose olmesartan was associated with a decreased chance of death (HR .46, 95% self confidence interval: .24 to .86) in contrast to equivalent patients taking other ARBs. The conflicting results in diabetics and non-diabetics are challenging to reconcile and raise uncertainty about the credibility of the findings in either group. Additionally, no distinctions were identified amongst the groups getting reduced doses of olmesartan and groups receiving other angiotensin blockers or in people getting therapy for much less than 6 months.

Right here is the FDA’s conclusion about the study:

The final results appear to help the discovering in ROADMAP however, there are issues with regards to the credibility of the benefits of the Medicare review due to the fact of the discrepant findings in diabetics and non-diabetics. The observation of a massive lower in survival in patients with diabetes taking high doses of olmesartan, coupled with a large improve in survival in non-diabetic individuals taking olmesartan—all relative to other drugs of the very same class—is not a plausible locating.

 Comment: This FDA communication is fairly odd, in my view. It does not sound like there is a lot robust evidence both way in this situation. But it appears to me that if the FDA will take four years to carry out a safety evaluation, and if the only appropriate proof it analyzes appears to help the earlier issues, then it shouldn’t just conclude the security assessment. If something the safety concern has increased, not decreased.

FDA Ends Olmesartan Safety Review, But...

Final farewell for Stephen Sutton as two-day vigil ends

Stephen’s Story – the blog about his bid to full a bucket list of 46 “weird and superb things” just before he died – has now inspired a lot more than 170,000 men and women to donate to The Teenage Cancer Trust (TCT) from 94 distinct nations.

A record-breaking £4.one million has been provided to the campaign with donations continuing to be manufactured at a fee of £1,000 an hour.

In a final public service, the Dean of Lichfield described the public’s reaction to the teenager’s passing as a “phenomenal” show of human unity.

He added that Stephen, who was diagnosed with colorectal cancer aged just 15 and died on May possibly 14, had “become everybody’s favourite son around here”.

Stephen’s former headteacher, Stuart Jones, additional that there was “a collective pride” between all college students and personnel at the Staffordshire college who had spent time with the teenager.

^{A photograph of Stephen Sutton stands in Lichfield Cathedral (PA)}

The vigil, which was attended in excess of the two days by more than ten,000 individuals which includes comedian Jason Manford, is to be followed by the release of a charity record that will characteristic forty musicians inspired by the 19-12 months-old’s perform.

It will also contain a speech from Stephen that he had intended to use on his very own single, and the sound of him enjoying the tambourine.

Proceeds from the sale of the record will go to the (TCT), which has already acquired more than practically half of its annual funding by means of Stephen’s charity work.

Final farewell for Stephen Sutton as two-day vigil ends

Bride-to-be"s hunt for stem cell donor to conserve fiancé ends in achievement

The appeal rapidly went viral with folks posting pictures from as far apart as Australia, USA, South Africa, France, Hungary, Croatia and Sweden.

The bone marrow register has given that witnessed a 650 per cent enhance in men and women joining and been in a position to discover a match for Mr Brandon meaning the couple can go ahead with wedding ideas for subsequent summertime.

Miss Robertson, 31, explained: “It’s been an exceptionally hard time so the relief we’re feeling is mind-boggling.

“A matching donor means that we can go ahead with Mike’s bone marrow transplant.

“We know we have a rocky road ahead as a transplant is a serious procedure, but knowing there is a great match for Mike is a fantastic increase that we desperately needed.

“We are hugely grateful to the selfless particular person who has stepped forward to help Mike, and to everyone who has pledged to do the same for an individual else.”

She added: “We’d like to get married following summertime and host the reception in my mum’s garden – it really is lovely there.

“We have a difficult time ahead of us even so becoming capable to appear to the long term with such a constructive and thrilling purpose in sight really does make this kind of a distinction in creating a optimistic vibe about us all.”

Mr Brandon was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia in March this year even though Miss Robertson was backpacking around Burma.

The Oxford Brookes graduate had proposed to Miss Robertson just 3 weeks before she headed on her six-month journey at the commence of the year.

Two months later he started suffering from fatigue and evening sweats.

He visited the doctor who carried out blood tests and inside of four hrs he learnt he had leukaemia.

Miss Robertson, a physiotherapist from Bristol, obtained the devastating news in a cellphone call just prior to she set off on a three-week trek in Nepal.

She right away flew property to be at Mr Brandon’s side.

A handful of weeks later physicians exposed they have to operate by the end of June and, supported by family members and close friends, Miss Robertson came up the with the #Shake4Mike notion, asking people to submit ‘shaky-encounter selfies’ as a sign they’ve joined the Anthony Nolan bone marrow register, before nominating others to do the identical.

In the week following the launch of the appeal at the commence of Could, Anthony Nolan noticed a 650 per cent increase in men and women applying to join their daily life-saving register on the web.

Far more than seven,000 individuals utilized to the register on the internet in between May possibly four and twelve, in contrast to 939 men and women joining in the identical period in 2013.

In the couple’s hometown of Bristol there was a particularly huge surge in possible donors with 4,120 guests to Anthony Nolan’s website, a 2400 per cent improve on the 165 who signed up last year.

Miss Robertson stated: ‘The response has been completely astounding.

“Knowing that there is so significantly support out there and to be able to visibly seeing the benefits of what we are attempting to attain has lifted everyone’s spirits.

“Both Mike and I have loved reading via the posts and messages that have been coming via. Some of the shaky faces truly created us laugh out loud which was superb.”

Miss Robertson has only just lately recovered from the horror of dropping her father, grandmother and father and near family members buddy in the space of just eight months in 2005, a 12 months she branded: “2005, let’s attempt and remain alive.”

She met Mr Brandon in 2009 and claims he helped her recover from this string of tragedies and flip her life close to.

So when he was diagnosed with leukaemia, she was established to be his “rock” and conserve the guy she loves.

Launching her campaign she explained: “Mike now has so a lot ahead of him – a new task, a wedding ceremony and developing a family members – but he desperately demands to locate a matching stem cell donor so that he can focus on getting better and embrace his long term.”

The couple and their buddies have vowed to proceed advertising the donor register.

Miss Robertson explained: “The campaign was never ever just about obtaining a donor for Mike.

“Even at the outset we desired to support make certain that there will be matching donors for other men and women going by way of the identical agonising wait – other people’s brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, mums and dads, and lifelong partners.

“We have been quite fortunate in obtaining a match but I know that not absolutely everyone is as lucky.

“We nonetheless hope everyone will keep shaking their faces at cancer and proceed to spread the #Shake4mike campaign to aid other individuals in Mike’s predicament.”

Ann O’Leary, head of register development at Anthony Nolan, said: “We are absolutely delighted that a matching donor has been identified for Mike.

“His story inspired 1000′s of individuals to indicator up as donors, any one particular of whom could go onto save the lifestyle of somebody like Mike in years to come.

“It’s our purpose to find a match for everyone who wants a transplant so it is wonderful that Mike’s pals and household are carrying on the fight towards blood cancer and urging even far more folks to come forward and assistance the perform of Anthony Nolan.”

Please aid other individuals like Mr Brandon by joining the Anthony Nolan register at www.anthonynolan.org.

Bride-to-be"s hunt for stem cell donor to conserve fiancé ends in achievement

"Control freak" Jeremy Hunt accused of manipulating NHS for political ends

Sir Bruce Keogh, the NHS’s medical director, is stated to have clashed with Jeremy Hunt. Photograph: Joe Giddens/PA

The overall health secretary Jeremy Hunt has had a series of standoffs and rows with NHS leaders amid claims from senior figures in the services that he is an interfering “control freak” who is striving to manipulate it for political functions.

Senior NHS figures have advised the Guardian privately of their fears that Hunt has torn up the coalition’s pledges to “liberate” the NHS from political manage and make it operationally independent.

It is understood that Sir Bruce Keogh, the NHS’s health-related director, had to personally instruct Hunt not to announce his blueprint for restructuring A&ampE solutions in a highly charged experience amongst the two last November.

Keogh and senior colleagues at NHS England, which is meant to be independent of Hunt’s Department of Wellness, were annoyed that Hunt appeared to want to hijack Keogh’s program to announce the overhaul by unveiling the information himself first.

“Bruce essentially took the secretary of state to one side and stated ‘bugger off’. There were some reasonably tense conversations amongst Bruce and Jeremy Hunt at that time,” explained an NHS supply.

NHS England leaders were also annoyed that when Hunt announced that hospitals in England would get an further £250m to assist their A&ampE departments cope with the winter, he gave them really minor credit score, even however they provided the cash.

But Hunt and the division declined to react right to claims by NHS figures that he is improperly “controlling” the support that is supposed to be run at arm’s length following the controversial reforms instituted by his predecessor, Andrew Lansley. The Division of Overall health argues that he was doing the work anticipated of him.

A Department of Wellness spokesman explained: “Jeremy Hunt tends to make no apology for taking a near interest in the efficiency of the NHS more than winter, or certainly throughout the 12 months. He is accountable to patients and to parliament and the public would count on practically nothing much less.”

Sources also say Hunt’s staff also “leaned on” Anne Rainsberry, the chief executive of the component of NHS England accountable for London, to consider to quit a controversial reorganisation of hospital services in north-west London due to the fact the prime minister was anxious about the downgrading of many A&ampE units in the region.

Rainsberry assisted thwart that intervention by ensuring that health-related directors of the eight NHS hospital trusts concerned and the GP chairs of the eight clinical commissioning groups in the region wrote to Hunt outlining their help for the move. He later championed the shakeup as excellent for patient care.

Senior NHS figures also disclosed that they resent how Hunt holds twice-weekly meetings with the leaders of NHS England and two other important NHS organisations at which he directs them to search into issues of concern, supply more data, kind out troubles and report back.

Normal “NHS delivery” meetings on Mondays target on crucial locations of NHS performance this kind of as A&ampE waiting instances and fiscal difficulties, although the Thursday afternoon meetings instituted final October have concentrated on ensuring the services functions nicely for the duration of the winter.

Leaders of NHS England, Monitor, which regulates foundation believe in hospitals, and the NHS Believe in Improvement Authority (TDA), an arm of the Department of Wellness that oversees all other trusts, routinely attend the meetings.

Nonetheless, some who do so, specifically at NHS England, truly feel Hunt is improperly impinging on their freedom, particularly in light of the autonomy they are supposed to have.

Sources speaking on problem of anonymity declare he is “micro-managing” the NHS, a practice the coalition explicitly promised to end.

But the Department of Overall health explained that Hunt was entitled to hold this kind of meetings. “It is absolutely correct that he has regular updates from the essential NHS organisations and the opportunity to go over their strategies,” it additional.

When Hunt began straight calling bosses of hospitals that were not meeting A&ampE targets final November, David Prior, the chairman of the Care Quality Commission NHS regulator and a former Conservative MP, explained the overall health secretary was “crazy” and criticised his “obsession” with targets.

Managers in important NHS organisations this kind of as NHS England and the TDA come to feel they are becoming “walked more than” as a consequence of Hunt’s really hands-on style, in accordance to the head of their trade union.

Jon Restell, chief executive of Managers in Partnership, mentioned: “They are really concerned. They really feel they are becoming walked more than by the Division of Well being and that some of their independence is being ignored.”

Concern extends to some of the members of NHS England’s board. Lord Adebowale, one particular of the organisation’s nonexecutive directors, mentioned the balance of electrical power amongst it and Hunt is a lead to of concern.

“I have always stated it would be tough to deal with the strategic partnership among the NHS and the secretary of state [after the NHS reforms], offered his duty to parliament,” he said.

“It really is a challenge, it truly is bound to be, managing that connection. Of program it is anything I worry about as a nonexecutive director.” Hunt was flawlessly entitled to inquire for meetings with leaders of NHS England, he extra.

Andy Burnham, the shadow wellness secretary, claimed that Hunt “would seem to have forgotten voting to turn the NHS into the largest quango in the globe and now tries to disown the logic of his very own policy. He talks in public about ending political interference, but in practice spends an afternoon creating phone calls to chief executives of hospitals missing A&ampE targets.”

"Control freak" Jeremy Hunt accused of manipulating NHS for political ends

DIY surrogate pregnancy deal ends in court battle

The desperate girl has been refused recognition as the boy’s legal mother but was granted a residency order to care for the little one in court on Tuesday with the judge warning against any person considering an informal surrogacy agreement, rather than by way of a professional company.

Mrs Justice Eleanor King explained medics speedily spotted that one thing was amiss when the surrogate mom booked herself in at the Leicester Royal Infirmary to give birth.

Medical professionals insisted on seeing a formal surrogacy agreement and the couple went to solicitors, who the judge said had unwittingly committed a criminal offence when they charged for drafting 1 in breach of Surrogacy Arrangements Act 1985.

The couple’s connection broke down quickly soon after the birth and more legal blunder occurred as they delayed past a 6-month time restrict just before in search of court recognition of the woman’s parenthood.

The judge said the time limit was necessary and making a parental order in the woman’s favour was for that reason just “not an choice.”

Making it possible for her to formally adopt the child was also no remedy and the woman had been left in a position of acute vulnerability, with no legal rights more than the boy she considered her son.

The judge stated social staff and lawyers had “worked hard to discover some kind of solution” to the problem.

And, “after a number of years of bitter recriminations and a total inability to pull with each other for the sake of this significantly wished child”, the couple had finally been capable to set aside their grievances and place in spot wise and practical shared care arrangements.

Whilst the girl could never turn into the boy’s legal mom, Mrs Justice King mentioned there had been measures that could be taken to “provide her with protection and recognition of her status.”

The surrogate mother, nevertheless a close family members good friend, had parental duty for the boy, who she noticed frequently, but there was “no quick purpose to believe” that she would use her electrical power in excess of the child inappropriately.

The judge directed the tiny boy should remain a ward of court indefinitely and manufactured a shared residence purchase in favour of the former couple, effectively granting the woman parental responsibility for the kid.

The surrogate mom was banned from exercising her parental rights without permission from the court.

Although there was nothing a lot more that could be accomplished to regularise the woman’s position, the judge explained the small boy “can now search forward to a secure and satisfied long term with his care being shared between the two people he does and will carry on to regard as his parents”.

Describing the case as a “cautionary tale”, Mrs Justice King underlined the “real dangers” of unlawful private surrogacy agreements and urged couples to use licensed and regulated fertility clinics if they need to have help with conception.

DIY surrogate pregnancy deal ends in court battle

Aid employees in Homs race to evacuate civilians prior to Syrian ceasefire ends

Humanitarian agencies are engaged in a desperate scramble to evacuate hundreds of civilians – including terrified and malnourished kids, the elderly, the sick and the injured – from the besieged Old City of Homs prior to a temporary ceasefire expires on Wednesday.

The United Nations has appealed to the warring factions in Syria’s civil war to further lengthen their “humanitarian pause”, which started last Friday, right up until all individuals who want to depart have been evacuated.

In chaotic scenes, convoys of flagged UN vehicles have been driving at large pace to the Old City’s major checkpoint to load up with civilians desperate to leave problems of excessive privation after 18 months of siege. Unverified video posted on the web showed ladies, laden with hefty suitcases and backpacks, clutching at the hands of children as they ran towards the automobiles.

Far more than 1,one hundred of the estimated 2,500 civilians trapped in Homs had left by the end of Monday, in accordance to the UN. “It is an extremely dangerous operation,” stated Jens Laerke, spokesman for the UN Office for the Co-Ordination of Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA) in Geneva. “But this is what the ordinary individuals of Homs have been residing with each and every single day for the previous 1 and a half many years.”

UN and Syrian Red Crescent cars had come underneath gun and mortar fire at the weekend, he stated, declining to speculate on the origin of the attack. Eleven civilians had been killed within the Previous City above the weekend despite the ceasefire, he additional.

The Outdated City and other opposition-held areas of Homs have been below siege for about 18 months, dealing with day-to-day bombardment and rapidly dwindling supplies of foods, drinking water and medicine. The city was the birthplace of the uprising against President Bashar al-Assad practically 3 many years in the past.

The terms of the “humanitarian pause” initially stated no males in between the ages of 15 and fifty five would be permitted to depart the Previous City. The stipulation was later relaxed, despite the fact that far more than 300 youths and men were detained for screening to ensure that there have been no fighters amid them.

The governor of Homs, Talal Barazi, mentioned he anticipated 80% of guys to be released after the “regularisation” procedure. Nonetheless, the fate of people not released was unclear, and the UN mentioned it was “deeply concerned”.

“It is vital that they do not come to any harm,” said Rupert Colville, spokesman for the UN large commissioner for human rights. “We will carry on to press for their proper treatment method according to the worldwide humanitarian and human rights law.”

Final month, proof smuggled out of Syria pointed to the systematic killing of around 11,000 detainees in the custody of regime security forces between March 2001 and last August.

Some 500 young children, most of them under the age of 15, and about twenty pregnant women had been amid those evacuated from the Outdated City given that Friday. Geoffrey Ijumba, of the UN’s children’s agency Unicef, who is primarily based in Homs, mentioned: “They appear unhappy and weak, dehydrated, emaciated – something but healthy.

“The youngsters are not in a very good psychological issue they are really frightened and are clinging to their dad and mom.”

None of the children inside the Outdated City had attended school for the past 18 months, he extra. “Most of them have been stuck at house, listening to shelling. Even right after they come out, you can see the dread in their eyes when they hear the sound of guns. They are terrified. They have witnessed deeply traumatic occasions.”

Evacuees had been visibly malnourished, according to humanitarian staff. “There is really little food obtainable in the Outdated City,” said Laerke. There have been modest quantities of flour and bulgar, but most of it was infested with insects. “They are consuming it anyway.”

Matthew Hollingworth, Syria director for the UN’s Globe Food Programme, informed the BBC that the “levels of destitution within the Old City are like nothing I have ever noticed before. Individuals are residing in tunnels underground, moving between shells of buildings to discover roots to consume – there has been little foods for numerous, several months now.”

Evacuees offered packs of food rations have been tearing them open to consume on the spot, according to the UN. Youngsters have been undergoing nutritional evaluation and, if essential, being place on a therapeutical feeding programme.

The corpse of a man who it was claimed had died of malnutrition was shown on a YouTube video getting loaded into a UN car. The sick and injured have been given quick healthcare consideration at a mobile clinic on evacuation, and hundreds of young children had been being vaccinated against polio, rubella and tuberculosis.

Residents of the Previous City have been forced to depend on a single field hospital considering that the siege began. “For numerous months it has been without ample medicine or gear. It is a spot for people to die rather than reside,” mentioned Laerke.

The World Overall health Organisation sent health-related supplies into the Old City at the weekend, including drugs to treat continual conditions this kind of as diabetes and hypertension, and 3,600 doses of polio vaccine.

The vast majority of people leaving the Old City have been heading for the residences of family members in other elements of Homs, according to the UN. There were at least a quarter of a million men and women living below siege circumstances in other components of Syria, said Laerke.

The Syria peace talks in Geneva had been producing tiny progress, the worldwide mediator Lakhdar Brahimi explained after the two sides held face-to-encounter talks on Tuesday. “The starting of this week is as laborious as it was the 1st week,” Brahimi told reporters. He called on the government and the opposition to quit the “nightmare” of the civil war.

On Monday, the Russian foreign minister, Sergei Lavrov, dismissed a draft UN safety council resolution calling for better entry for humanitarian aid as one-sided and “detached from reality”, according to Interfax information agency.

Syria’s civil conflict has claimed more than 100,000 lives since 2011 and has forced about 6 million folks from their homes.

Aid employees in Homs race to evacuate civilians prior to Syrian ceasefire ends