As the New Yr resolutions, like the greatest-laid schemes of mice and males, drift away out of sight and mind, I believed I’d soften your cough with a theory of blinding excellent sense and irrefutable logic that a kindly listener shared with me years ago, which has been a consistent supply of consolation to me ever since… the good fellow called it the “Buffalo Theory”.
The buffalo herd can only move as rapidly as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, panics and runs, it is the slowest and weakest ones that are caught very first by the hunter, and killed. And therefore, the overall health and speed of the herd is enhanced by the regular disposal of the weakest members. Okay, we know Darwin acquired there 1st, but hear the guy out: in a lot the same way, the human brain can only perform as fast as the slowest brain cells, and as we hear from the medics, extreme consumption of the demon drink kills brain cells. But just as the hunting lion requires down the weakest buffalo, the alcohol will naturally attack the slowest and weakest brain cell initial. In this way, typical consumption of beer, wine and spirits eliminates the weaker brain cells, producing the brain a much more productive, more quickly-contemplating machine.
I wouldn’t have shared this piece of rude great sense with you, on the basis that knowledge is power, if I hadn’t had my feathers ruffled lately by an post that claimed that because of his drinking, James Bond could not probably have been considerably cop in bed. James was far far more likely to meet his Maker by way of liver condition than the machinations of the likes of Goldfinger, and the purpose he had his dry martinis shaken, not stirred, was because the alcohol-induced tremors in his hands would have made it extremely hard for him to stir his drink.
Bond, foolish fellow, paid no interest to his units. As a man, “research” exhibits, nay demands, that he should down no much more than three units of alcohol a day. Any a lot more, and the Grim Reaper is knocking on the door. And poor Pussy Galore is risking all at far more than two-and-a-half units. Unless of course she’s knocking it back from something the dimension of a thimble, in which case she may possibly just make it to retirement with three a day.
Without wishing to place the kibosh on worthy analysis, my very own knowledge, as I grew to manhood in Dublin’s Fair City, was that most of the women of my acquaintance could drink Lough Erne dry, as the song has it, “Without a Grecian bend”. A Friday evening in Davy Byrnes would depart you beggared for a week. There is never a unit-counting researcher around when you require one.
Any chance of some in-depth study into the Buffalo Concept?
‘Something for the Weekend’, by Terry Wogan (Orion), is offered to purchase from Telegraph Books at £12.99 + £1.35 p&p (books.telegraph.co.united kingdom)
Buffalo concept - or how alcohol may possibly be very good for you
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